Everyone has darkness: Countdown to Apocalypse
by Darthemius
Summary: Do I even have to? Ok... Finally Naruto has come back! Good enough? M for every word. Mega crossover. Strong suggestion: Read part one first.
1. There and back again

**FINALLY DARTHEMIUS HAS COME BACK TO FANFICTION!**

**Nah, don't give me that. I can't believe myself that this day has actually happened. True, it has been several years since I completed the first part of this story and I received many hate mail about not starting the second one. Well, to tell the truth I wanted to wait some more for the end of the fourth great shinobi war to start this thing…**

**But then I thought, FUCK IT! It's not like I will be following Kishimoto's plotline anyway. I will somewhat at the beginning, but it will end really soon. However I can promise you this. At the end of this story all the secrets that have been left unanswered in the first part will finally be revealed.**

**Now on a brighter note…**

**Firstly I want to thank everyone who supported me and my stories along the way. Without you this sequel would never has been made. And I received countless letters, saying that my work is the best. I know that many might disagree with this, but for those who don't, I thank you very much.**

**Secondly, I'm very proud to see that there are several people who took "Everyone has darkness" as an inspiration to write their own stories. I remember one guy who based his story solely on my 'Soul Drain' technique. And though he completely bastardized the idea, I'm still proud of being such an inspiration. Of course there has been several fics that I could call a sad parody on my story, but I won't. After all, I don't remember having any author's rights…**

**Alright, enough. I'm sure you're not here to hear my ramblings. So here it is, first chapter of the new season. But before that…**

**MAJOR WARNING! If you're not a fan of hardcore sex, senseless killings, heavy cursing, wrestling moves and quotes, backstabbing, overpowered characters, crucified grannies and flying cows, then I suggest you stop reading right now.**

**Oh, and almost forgot…**

**CLAIMER: Everything in this story belongs to me. If anyone says it ain't so, it's Kishimoto, Square-enix, Sega, Altus, Capcom, Arc System Works and Bio Ware.**

**And on that note… **

**LET"S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!**

**...**

**Chapter one: There and back again.**

"Hell yeah!" – talks.

'Art is a blast!' – thoughts.

"_Know your role!" _– demon blades.

"**Katsu!" – **demonic/jutsu.

**...**

"**Forget everything you know about this world and let winds of chaos guide you…" – Darthemius.**

**...**

In the beginning there was Izanagi. The God of Creation, the Great Will, the One-Above-All. Call him whatever you want, it won't change anything.

With his unlimited power he created the world as we know it. Rivers and oceans. Islands and continents. Trees and grass. Animals and so on… He created all that why? Because he liked to create?

Nah.

Then why? Because he had some great plan?

Oh no…

Maybe because he was too drunk and didn't understand what he was doing?

Nah. That would've been right in my case.

No, the correct answer is… The great being simply… got bored.

Yep, even the greatest can submit to boredom. But consider this, how long do you need to watch after an animal or a tree to have enough of it? I don't think it's more than an hour.

So Izanagi decided to entertain himself even more. He created another species and gave it intelligence. And a pretty advanced one at that.

Thus humans came to be.

And that _animal _entertained Izanagi greatly! It started slowly at first and he was actually starting to dismiss that species as a failure… when the first war started.

The Great God was captivated by it instantly. No other species he created tried to destroy each other. And humans were smarter than every other animal. Then why did they try to destroy each other?

And then he got it. That was _exactly _why. Because with intelligence come ambitions. And some humans' ambitions were just too high.

So when Izanagi saw the first war, he immediately understood one thing… There definitely must be another one.

And with that thought he made humans even more intelligent and… more aggressive. And it proved to be the correct choice. Wars never ended, and Izanagi was very pleased.

He was even more pleased when humans started to advance! They started to create themselves! But what fascinated Izanagi the most, was that every human creation was made to destroy humanity even more efficiently. A club, a knife, a sword, a rifle, a missile… The list went on and on.

Another thing Izanagi was so captivated with was humans' ability to create what they called… family. Something none other species did as well.

Something he never had.

And yes, he decided to try himself. So he went down on the planet he created himself and chose a single human female. And he placed his seed in her. And she delivered him three children while dying in the process.

Izanagi took his children and withdrew from mortal world. His family was complete. Now the only thing left to do was to name them. And he did that after the domain each of them chose for themselves.

First one was a girl with long raven hair and pale skin. Always quiet, calm and calculating, she chose the Moon to be her domain in order to keep a close eye on both of her siblings.

She was named Tsukiyomi. The goddess of Moon.

Second one was a girl with shiny golden hair and unsurpassed beauty. But because of that she grew up arrogant and prideful. Of course because of that she would settle for nothing else than the brightest and the biggest place to be her domain – the Sun.

She was named Amaterasu. The goddess of Sun.

Finaly, the third one was a boy who loved chaos and always preferred to be in the center of everything. No wonder he decided to seize Earth, becoming its supreme ruler.

He was named Susannoo. The god of sea and storm.

And their creation was actually a good thing. Why? Well, it's because Izanagi started to get bored with humans. But his children provided him with a new entertainment.

You see, Amaterasu was not really happy that lesser gods and inhabitants of Earth put Susannoo above her as the supreme ruler. She thought that she and she only must rule above all! So what she did? Right, she waged war on her own brother.

Susannoo was quick to answer and so the first Holy War has begun. Servants of both Supreme gods tore each other apart with powers their masters provided.

And that pleased Izanagi very much. Now instead of simple technology, warriors fought with divine power. Something that was never done before.

But they fought so ferociously that the world actually came to the brink of destruction. And it would've certainly been destroyed… If not for Tsukiyomi's intervention.

Too smart for her own good, as her father usually said, she understood that if that war isn't stopped, then everything will be destroyed.

So with that thought she approached her father…

"Father?"

"Yes, Tsukiyomi?" Izanagi replied, watching over the battle that was happening below on Earth. "What do you want, I am busy right now."

"I won't take much of your time, father." Tsukiyomi bowed respectfully. "I just want to ask you one question."

"Very well, you may ask."

Tsukiyomi paused. "What will become of this world once this war is over?"

"Hmhmhm…" Izanagi chuckled. "Everything that has a beginning has an end, my daughter. What you witness down below is this world's end. About time, I've got bored of this world anyway. Now I will scrap it and create a new one! Hmhmhm… think of the possibilities…"

Tsukiyomi's eyes narrowed. "I see… So this is your answer, father…"

"It is. Now begone. I want to see this battle to the end." Izanagi stated with a grin on his face.

What he didn't count on was Tsukiyomi's disagreement. And though she held no particular love for this world, she didn't want its destruction either. Of course, being the smartest, she decided not to do anything herself… and instead place all tasks on her younger siblings.

Of course Amaterasu and Susannoo were outraged when they learned that their father was going to destroy the world they worked so hard to conquer. And they actually put their differences aside for one particular battle.

That's right. They challenged their father, starting the second Holy War.

The fight was long and fierce, but in the end numbers won. Overwhelmed from both sides, Izanagi perished at the hands of his own children.

And after two Supreme gods stood victorious, they realized how close they actually came to destroying the world themselves.

So they made a pact… A pact to never intervene directly in affairs of mortals, while allowing them to choose between gods and fight freely as they pleased. A simple rule was made in order to never break this pact. For each intervention of one god, another will be able to intervene as well and do what he or she pleased, no matter what it is.

But the rule was never used, for two siblings never broke the pact. Until…

**Present day…**

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Uzumaki Naruto shouted, standing up from his seat.

"Hahahahahahahaha!" Children's laugh filled his ears. He could not believe what he was seeing…

He was in Konoha academy.

"Oi, Naruto. Stop embarrassing yourself and sit down." The blond suddenly heard a painfully familiar voice. Slowly he turned his head to the left and…

Yep, there was Uchiha Sasuke sitting right next to him… Yet it was not Sasuke he remembered. This Sasuke was only thirteen years old.

"Son of a bitch!" Naruto's right hand quickly shot forward and picked the Uchiha up by the throat. "How many times must I kill you for you to actually die?!"

Now he expected many things to happen. For Sasuke to try and break out of Naruto's hold. To counter and attack. Or at least throw a threat his way.

What he didn't expect was for Sasuke to simply stare at him in shock.

"Don't joke like that, Naruto." Someone said from behind and placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder. "Come on, dude, release him already."

Naruto glanced over his shoulder. There stood some guy with brown hair and concerned look on his face.

"Who in the blue hell are you?!" The blond asked.

"Huh?" Unknown guy's eyebrows rose. "It's me Ryuga, your friend! Hey, that's not funny anymore!"

Naruto looked around the classroom. All stares were directed his way. Some were shocked… and some were fearful.

'I must find out what's going on first.' He thought and released Sasuke. "Sorry."

"Damn." Sasuke said, rubbing his neck. "You could say you're not in the mood and stay home. Now my neck is all sore, geez…"

Naruto raised an eyebrow at this. 'Is this Sasuke? Where is the guy who says only 'Hn' and brood the entire day?!'

"Heh, perhaps he's sad that he didn't get your mother's cooking yesterday." Ryuga exclaimed with a grin on his face.

Now Naruto's second eyebrow joined the first in its attempt to escape from his forehead. 'MOTHER?! As in UCHIHA MIKOTO MOTHER?! But I thought…'

"Okay, I see you're all tired." Iruka suddenly said. "Let's take a short break and continue later."

"Finally!" Naruto stated. Then he quickly stood up, opened the window and jumped outside through it.

"O-Oi!" Ryuga tried to call him, but did not succeed. "What the hell is with him today?"

Sasuke shrugged. "Hell if I know. Maybe he at last found a girl he likes…"

**With Naruto…**

"Huff… Huff… What the heck is going on?!" The blond shouted, panting heavily after a fast run. 'Okay, last thing I remember, I was surrounded by darkness… Then old son of a bitch appeared… Then he tried to steal Naruto's catchphrases… I still have to kick his ass for that one… No, don't get distracted! The darkness… And then light… Golden light.' His eyes widened. 'Fucking bitch! Where did she send me?! Or maybe it's just a genjutsu?'

The blond looked around. 'No, can't be. I have a sixth sense on things like these. So she actually sent me… where?' He looked down at himself. 'Oh, great. I'm in that jumpsuit again… To hell with it!'

"Kai!" Naruto cancelled his genjutsu and next second he already stood several inches taller, dressed in black t-shirt, black baggy pants and had no whisker marks. 'Okay, at least this is still me. Now what do I know of this world? I know that Mikoto is alive… or at least I'm presuming she's alive. I'll have to check it as soon as possible… But wait!' His eyes widened. 'That means I'm not in the past! Where the hell am I?'

"Gah!" Next second a sharp pain went through his head like a bullet. "What the hell was that? Bah, no matter. First I must…" Next words died in his throat. Why? Well, because he saw a person he never expected to see again.

"NEJI!" He shouted, running toward his friend. "Oi, Neji! Wait up!"

The Hyuga genius stopped slowly and turned around to see who called him.

Meanwhile Naruto rushed over and hugged Neji straight of the bat.

"Shit, man! You can't believe how happy I am to see…" Next second his eyes widened in shock. "Wha…?" The blond looked down… only to see Neji's hand striking a tenketsu point near his heart.

"Don't ever touch me again, trash." The Hyuga stated dangerously.

Naruto's jaw fell as he backed down, clutching his chest. "Wha…? What the hell, Neji?! It's me, Naruto! We…"

"I don't know who you are, and quite frankly I don't care." Neji interrupted him. "This is the only warning you will get. Don't come near me again if you know what's good for your health." With that he turned around and walked away.

Naruto just stood in shock for several more minutes.

"What… What the fuck was that?"

"Oi, Naruto!"

The blond turned his head to see Sasuke and Ryuga running toward him.

"Damn, where have you been?" Ryuga asked. "Iruka-sensei started taijutsu practice already!"

"Sure, isn't it your favorite part?" Sasuke added.

"Y-Yeah…" Naruto was just too shocked to argue. So instead he just decided to follow…

**Academy grounds…**

"Come on, Kiba!"

"Go, Choji!"

Naruto heard some cheers as he neared the academy building.

"So, ready to get your ass whopped again, dobe?" Sasuke asked with a smirk.

But Naruto was not even listening to him.

"Hey! What's up with you today?" The Uchiha asked. "Is something wrong?"

Naruto shook his head and turned to him. "Y-Yeah. Sorry, I just want to be alone for a second."

"A-Alright." Sasuke said and left to watch the matches.

Naruto's eyebrows furrowed. 'Not the best place, but… I have to check.'

"Go, Ki… mymh!" One Yamanaka Ino cheered when someone's hand covered her mouth.

"Shhh." Naruto said, dragging her behind a tree. "It's just me."

"Uzumaki?" Ino asked in surprise. "What the hell do you want?! Let me go!"

"What's my favorite catchphrase, Ino?" Naruto asked.

"What?! How the hell should I know?! Let me go, you loser."

And Naruto did let go. There was no reason to hold her anyway.

'She lost her memory as well…' He concluded, sliding under the tree. 'Everybody did. I'm all alone in this world…'

"Oi, Naruto! You're up." He heard Iruka's voice.

Naruto glanced at the chuunin dangerously. "Alright… I'm up." He whispered and slowly walked into the battle circle… Where Sasuke already waited for him.

"Come on!" The Uchiha said with a smile on his face. "Let's give it our best!"

"Okay, Naruto versus Sasuke!" Iruka announced. "Begin!"

Immediately Sasuke leaped forward with a kick. And Naruto… He raised his right hand instinctively.

"**Byakurai!" **He called… but of course nothing happened. No, actually something did happen.

Sasuke's kick got him right in the face.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Naruto!" Sasuke shouted. "You don't look like yourself toda…" Last words died in his throat when Naruto suddenly got up with extremely angry look on his face.

"**Byakurai!" **He shouted again, but got the same result. "Tch! **Hadou #4 Byakurai!"**

"Hahahahahahaha!" Children laughed at him again.

"What are you trying to do?" Sasuke asked in confusion.

Instead of response, Naruto glared down at his hands.

'My power… gone!' He raised his left hand. 'My sword… gone!' And then he ripped his shirt in half, making several girls blush. 'Please don't tell me…' The blond channeled some chakra and…

A seal appeared on his stomach.

"Oh no… no!" He mumbled, falling on his knees.

As soon as he saw that, Iruka gasped and walked over to his student, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"It's okay, Naruto." He began. "I know how you feel…"

**(Starting song: "Otherworld" from Final Fantasy X soundtrack)**

"You know how I feel?" Naruto asked angrily. "Well feel this!" He brought his left hand up, delivering a crushing uppercut to chuunin's abdomen.

"**Tyrant Rave!" **Naruto shouted, throwing a right punch, followed by a wall of flame.

Next moment Iruka's burning corpse went through academy wall. There were no need to check for life signs, the fact of his death was obvious.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Children screamed in horror and started to run away in random directions.

"Oh my god…" Sasuke muttered in shock. "You… You killed him."

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Naruto laughed madly, remembering something…

"_Come, Uzumaki Naruto. Your mission has not even started."_

"Ahaha…" The blond continued to laugh. "My mission?!" He showed two middle fingers at the sky. "I have your mission right here, bitch! You want me to start over?! To do things your way?! Well EH-EH! If you want me to continue, then that's exactly what I WON'T do! However I still have enough class to go with a bang!"

"N-Naruto…" Sasuke said his name in fear.

"YOU!" Naruto turned to him sharply with an angry glare. "This is all your fault!" With that angry shout he blurred out of view and appeared in front of Sasuke.

'Shit, he's fast!' Sasuke could only think before…

"**Rising Sun!" **Naruto exclaimed, doing several upwards kicks to Uchiha's midsection.

"Gah!" The raven haired teen gasped as air was knocked out of him while he himself got thrown high in the air.

"This time I'm gonna make sure you stay dead!" Naruto screamed, blurring from view again and reappearing… above Sasuke's position. **"Moon Phase!"**

Sasuke only managed to widen his eyes before a crushing somersault heel drop sent him back into the ground.

CRASH.

Uchiha's body landed hard, creating a small crater.

"It's fucking over!" The blond stated, twisting his body in midair. "Time to die, bitch! **Starfall!" **He shouted, preparing to dive at his long time nemesis with a deadly flying kick… but instead he had to dodge a projectile, which was aimed at his head, with a backwards somersault.

"What the fuck?" Naruto asked, landing gracefully on one knee.

"You fucking tell me!" A brown haired boy shouted back. "What the hell is wrong with you, Naruto?!"

The blond stood up slowly and tilted his head to the side. "Ah, you're that guy from before… What was your name again?"

"It's Ryu…" The boy suddenly stopped when a huge red chakra arm grabbed his entire body.

"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!" Naruto shouted, throwing Ryuga into a wall with tremendous force. But before boy's body reached it…

"Got it!" A member of ANBU forces caught him in his flight. "Are you okay, kid?"

"Y-Yeah…" Ryuga replied.

"Good." ANBU said… as seven more ANBU members landed beside him.

"Eh?" Naruto exclaimed in amusement. "Well, well… What do we have here! Seven pieces of trash and one pathetic excuse of a piece of trash! I could say it's nice to see you again, but it will be a complete lie then… Kakashi."

First ANBU turned his head slowly and… Yep, silver hair, face mask, forehead protector over left eye. Hatake Kakashi without a doubt.

'Why ANBU though?' Naruto thought. 'Ah yes, he probably got withdrawn to teach Uke-chan, for what good it did…'

"Himura…" Kakashi began, narrowing his only visible eye. "Recover Sasuke-san and take him to the hospital."

"Hai!" Himura responded and shunshinned to Sasuke's battered body. "Hold on, Sasuke-san. You'll… Gah!" ANBU member slowly looked down… to see a red chakra sword sticking out of his stomach.

"Damn, what do they teach in ANBU these days?!" Naruto exclaimed, withdrawing his chakra sword. "To turn your back to a perspective enemy like that… Oh, and sorry to disappoint, but dear Uke-chan is going nowhere! Well, at least while his head is still connected to his shoulders. Now if you just let me correct that small detail, we…"

"**Katon: Goukakyu no jutsu!"**

Naruto was suddenly interrupted when a huge fireball flew at him from the side.

"Yeow!" Naruto exclaimed, dodging the fire technique. "How rude! I was not even done talking and you throw fireballs at me? Oh…" He stopped when he noticed that the fireball was sent by none other than… Kakashi. "A shadow clone? Not bad, but since I hate clones in all forms…"

"You." Kakashi pointed at another ANBU member. "Go inform Hokage-sama. Tell him that Kyuubi has somehow broken free."

Everyone's eyes widened at that.

"I said go!" Kakashi shouted.

"H-Hai!" The ANBU member said and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Ho, ho! And here I thought you would say something about teamwork and staying out of this battle." Naruto said and chuckled. "You made one mistake though, Kyuubi has not broken free."

"I know what I saw." Kakashi replied. "You used Kyuubi's power…"

"Which doesn't mean that Kyuubi has broken free. The seal was designed that way… But of course; what can you, a useless jabroni, know about delicate things like these."

Kakashi glared. "So you're the real Naruto then."

The blond raised an eyebrow in amusement. "The real Naruto?"

"Someone has told Sandaime-sama that your behavior is simply a mask. A mask to cover your real self from the eyes of this village."

"Oh? And what good old Sandaime replied to this?"

"Nothing."

"Hahaha! Yeah, exactly what I thought." Naruto said, taking a kunai and a piece of paper from his kunai pouch. "But you know what, all this talk is really starting to bore me. For according to Naruto's rolex…" He quickly glanced at his wrist, noticing that there was no watch. "Sigh, no matter. I think we should… you know, get the shit on!" Kakashi glanced around, checking the probable battle area.

"Surround him from all sides and try to keep him within the academy grounds." The masked jounin ordered. "Most people are gone from here and we want to avoid any possible civilian casualties."

"Hai!" Five members responded instantly.

One however…

"But Kakashi-taicho, I don't understand. He's just one kid and…"

"Don't underestimate him." Kakashi interrupted. "Or have you forgotten already? He used Kyuubi's power like it was nothing."

"Damn right." Naruto added, wrapping a piece of paper around the kunai. "That was a moment of anger though. Don't worry, I won't use it again. Because…"

"SHIT!" Kakashi shouted, uncovering his left eye immediately. Why did he do that? Well… it might be because he saw what exactly Naruto was wrapping around his kunai. "Spread out! Run as far from each other as you can! He…" But he was not allowed to finish.

"Too late, buddy!" Naruto stated with a smirk… and threw his kunai. "Time for all kids to go to bed!"

"What is…?"

"**Hiraishin no jutsu!"**

"Gueh!" Two ANBU members fell down as their throats were cut open.

"SENPAI!" Cat masked ANBU… actually named Uzuki Yugao screamed. "That's…!"

"Yes, Yondaime-sama's Hiraishin no jutsu." Kakashi said, drawing his sword. "We are in big trouble. Even with my Sharingan I won't be able to keep up with that jutsu."

"Damn right you won't!" Naruto's voice said… from behind.

"Shit!" Kakashi cursed again, jumping high just in time to avoid being hit by…

"**Rasengan!"**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Another unlucky ANBU member screamed at the top of his lungs as he was thrown through academy wall.

"NO!" Yugao yelled. "You will pay for that!" She rushed straight at Naruto with raised sword and he… let it hit him.

"What?" Yugao stared in shock at the unmoving body at her feet. "Just like that? That easily?"

"Of course not! What do they teach you in ANBU these days?! Come on!" Naruto's voice stated from… everywhere. "Where…? Kakashi-senpai! I can't see…" Yugao turned around to see… nothing. No one was there.

"What's going on? Where is…?" Suddenly a realization hit her. "Genjutsu!" She shouted and made a hand seal. "Kai!"

But nothing happened.

"Oh, come on!" Naruto's body appeared from the ground. "You didn't actually think it will be so easy to break out from the _people's_ illusion, did you? Now…" Several more Narutos appeared. "I have a really exciting show just for you! Enjoy!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Yugao screamed and fell on her knees, shaking in fear.

"Yugao!"

"No, wait!" Kakashi grabbed his last remaining subordinate's hand. "She was struck by a strong genjutsu. We can't help her now with Naruto still around. We need to take him out first."

"Well done, Kakashi!" Naruto stated, walking out from behind. "What you failed to realize…"

Kakashi's eyes widened. 'Damn, can't move!'

An evil grin appeared on blonde's face. "Exactly. You've been trapped in my genjutsu as well."

"Gh." Kakashi struggled against his invisible bindings. "It's useless, Naruto. You know you can't get out of the village alive! Kyuubi's chakra or not, Konoha's garrison is too much for anyone, no matter who it is!"

"HAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! Is that what you think?!"

"That's exatly…"

"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!" Naruto shouted with insane look in his eyes. "A new beginning? A second chance? Hell NO! Getting out of the village?! Nah, I'd rather stay and play my favorite game named lay as much smackdown on Konoha as you can! I wonder who's going to take me out, don't you?! Oh, even the mere thought about this gives me the chills!" He walked closer. "Now if I remember correctly…"

"W-What are you doing?" Another ANBU member asked.

Naruto's grin widened. "You owe me one, Kakashi." With that the blond quickly threw his hand forward and… tore off Kakashi's left eye.

"EAAAAAAAAAHHH!" The masked jounin screamed in pain.

"KAKASHI-SENPAI!"

"Hehehe, what's the matter? Did that hurt? Oh you poor thing!" Naruto exclaimed, crushing the eye in his hand. "Well that was one, but you know what…" He paused. "Let's make that two!" He reached for Kakashi's last remaining eye when... "Ah!"

A sharp pain went through his head once again.

"What the fuck is… Gah!" He gasped. The pain was so much that he actually couldn't even remain on his feet. "Ah, the pain! What is happening to me?!"

"_Find secluded area!"_ Sudden voice echoed.

"W…What?"

"_No time to explain! You need to find a quiet and secluded place right now! Do as I say if you want to live! You have one minute at best!"_

"S-Shit…" Naruto cursed and in his last ditch effort threw his kunai. **"H-Hiraishin no jutsu! AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" **He screamed and disappeared in a flash of yellow.

Immediately Kakashi and another ANBU member were released from genjutsu.

"What did just happen, Kakashi-senpai?"

"Cough… I don't know." Masked ninja stood up. "But I'm sure we must find him."

"B-But your wound!"

"Just a scratch. Now go and take care of Yugao. I'll inform Hokage-sama…"

**The Netherworld. Same time…**

"**Okay, can everyone please shut the fuck up?!" **Throzax the dragon king shouted.

Immediately the enormous room went silent.

"**Good. Now am I right to assume that we all want to know what the hell is going on." **The dragon continued.

Many nods from different clan representatives were his answer.

"**Okay, what is the last thing you remember? Umm… Lions please."**

"**Well…" **Aroyal looking lion started. **"I got slain by Uzumaki Naruto…" **He said, creating another uproar. **"I believe my clan shared my fate."**

"**Very well… What about foxes?" **Throzax asked.

"**The same. Uzumaki Naruto has slain us all."**

And another uproar.

"**Okay, okay quiet!" **The dragon king shouted again. **"Now am I right to believe that we all shared the same fate?"**

Many nods once again.

"**Alright. Then here's what we all want to know… Why are we all alive and well?!"**

"**Only one thing comes to my mind…" **Kuroken – the Grand Elder of the raven Clan began. **"The reversal of time."**

"**What?"** Throzax asked. **"You mean we are actually in the past?"**

"**It seems that way." **Kuroken replied.

"**But why is our memory still intact?"**

"**That one's easy. Only humans get their memory reversed. Everyone starting from minor summons kept their memories of that horrible future…"**

"**Wait a minute!" **Felina – the cat Elder interrupted. **"Does that mean that Uzumaki lost his memory as well?"**

"**Hmm… I doubt it for some reason." **Kuroken stated. **"I think that the time was reversed because of him… But there might be a good side in this."**

"**What good side?" **The lion asked.

"**His memory might still be intact… His power, however, is most certainly not. Which means he was reduced to a simple mortal once again."**

Throzax's eyes widened. **"Then this might be our chance to finish him before that nightmare even started! Who has contacts in Konoha?!"**

"**I do!" **Enma – the monkey Elder said. **"Their Hokage is my clan's summoner. I even gave him the permission to summon me personally."**

"**Excellent! Then you know what to do! We are counting on you, Enma! Do not let the history repeat itself!"**

**Konohagakure no sato. The forest of death…**

"Ah! Damn…" Naruto cursed, crawling towards the closest tree. "Never thought it would end like his… Oh crap…"

That second his pain became unbearable and he did the only possible thing in this situation. Yeah, he lost consciousness.

**Naruto's mind…**

"Ho! Now that's a sight I haven't seen in a while!" The blond stated, looking at the Kyuubi's cage. "And here I thought… Hey!"

That moment he looked down on himself and noticed something.

He was no longer fifteen years old. Yep, he looked like he used to in the future. Only without his vest and sunglasses.

"Who cares, I'm dead anyway." With that he slowly walked to a wall, leaned against it and slid down. "Shit, who would've thought that I'm gonna die because of a headache…" He chuckled. "Oh, the ultimate irony! Everyone who tried to end my life failed… only for me to die on my own… alone…"

A frown appeared on his face.

"Heh, and what did you expect, Uzumaki?! Traitorous slimy assholes are bound to die that way. Aha… Ahahahahaha! Well at least I can be proud of myself! I'm the only person in history who went against the world and won! And that's alright…" He paused. "Yes, everything's alright… I had more fun in life than anyone! Sigh… But all fun comes to end and… And I guess this is my end."

Naruto looked down and smiled. "Heh, for some reason I don't feel sad. I guess that's because I've done it all. Yeah, I've been a friend, a lover, a hero, an actor, a traitor, a slayer, a demon, an Overlord, the toughest son of a bitch in the world… Shit, I've even been Sakura's mother at some point! That's why I have no regrets. And that's why… huh?"

Suddenly two naked feet got into his line of sight.

"What the…" The blond slowly raised his head to see… a very beautiful and very naked young girl looking down at him.

"Kushina?" Naruto asked, but then realized it can't possible be her. No, Kushina had fiery red hair and this girl had light green. Besides, Kushina wasn't naked last time he saw her. "Who in the green hell are you?"

A playful smirk appeared on girl's face, and instead of response she just changed her eye color…

"Kh… HAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Naruto laughed madly. "No fucking way! You're a girl?! Shit, now I've seen everything! How did you get out of your cage? Wait, you know what, forget it! I don't care how you're out. You wanna take me out? You wanna get free? Well go ahead, I won't even resist. I was thinking about releasing you anyway."

And just as he said that a soft pretty hand… grabbed him roughly by the throat and raised his body off the ground.

Not very surprised by it, Naruto's only response was placing his right hand in front of girl's face and… motion for her to bring it.

SLAP.

"Fuck!" Naruto fell on his knees once again. "Damn that hurt. Do you want to torture me a little before killing? Sure, I don't mind." He turned to her once again. "Do your worst!"

SLAP.

This slap was actually powerful enough to knock him off his knees.

"Ouch!" Naruto fell on his back. "Hah, reminds me of Tsunade a little…"

"So, have you come to your senses yet?" The girl spoke for the first time.

"Ho-Ho! And here I thought dick got your tongue!"

"Well, I wanted to speak right away. But it was funny to see you have an emotional breakdown. Now, are you ready to listen, or should I kick your whiny ass some more?"

"Sorry babe, but I'm not in the mood for talking…" Naruto spat.

As if expecting that, the girl placed her right foot on his crouch. "Think again."

Naruto looked at his most prized possession with wide eyes. "Sure, I'm all ears!"

"Good." The girl removed her foot. "Now that you stopped your melodrama let me say this…" She looked him straight in the eyes. "I'm impressed, and it's not an easy thing to do."

"Huh?!" Naruto asked in confusion. "Impressed by what?! My bitching?!"

"No." She smiled. "By everything you did in the future."

Blonde's eyes widened. "What?! How do you know that?!"

"Simple, I have access to all your memories."

Naruto paused, but then his eyes widened even more. "But wait, that's impossible! If you had all my memories, then you knew that I…"

"Yes." Kyuubi interrupted. "I knew you were going to drain my power and destroy me."

"But… Why didn't you stop me?"

"That's easy." The girl said. "It's because I wanted to die."

Three seconds of silence.

"WHAT?!"

"Hmhmhm…" Kyuubi chuckled. "Is that so hard to believe? Do you have any idea how old I am, Naruto?"

"Well… No, actually I don't." He smiled sheepishly.

"Don't worry, I don't either. I simply stopped to count at some point…"

"Wait a second, I remember now!" Naruto shouted. "You're not the original Kyuubi!"

The girl nodded. "That is correct."

"Then how…"

"It's a long story…"

"I'm not in a hurry."

"Actually you are, for you have only several seconds until you die." Kyuubi stated.

"Yeah, I already realized that." Naruto said with sarcasm. "Speaking of which, what was that headache?"

"Oh, that one's simple." Kyuubi stated. "You see, when you were transported through time into this body, you kept your memory. But that was not the only thing you kept. Your brain functions also remained."

Naruto tilted his head to the side. "Huh? Simple you say?"

The girl sighed. "Demonic brain is very different from normal human brain. In the time human brain sends one electric impulse, demonic brain sends thirty four. And when you first drained my power, your brain became like that. What you don't know is that reverse process is impossible. When you became a demon, all your body cells were destroyed and recreated anew. You were only able to survive that because demons have high speed regeneration. Humans do not. So to put your problems easily, you have a demonic brain in a human body. And it's starting to fail you."

"That makes sense." Naruto nodded. "I wonder why it didn't start straight of the bat."

"That's because of your jinchuuriki regeneration. But it can only do so much." Kyuubi said. "However, time doesn't flow here, so I guess I can tell you my story." She closed her eyes. "You see, even before becoming a demon I was immortal… literally. No matter how much damage my body sustained, or how many years passed, I still looked young and didn't die. It was a curse that was passed onto me by a person I trusted… The only person I trusted."

"Trust is a dangerous thing." Naruto commented.

"Too true." Kyuubi nodded. "And so I was, wondering aimlessly in search for someone who will end this curse… And then I heard about a mighty demon called Kyuubi no yoko. Excellent I thought. If he can't end my life, then who can? So I searched him out and finally found him. And he had all the power I imagined, and he had no problem with ending my life… at first. Because he slashed me with his claws, and I didn't die. He chewed me down with his teeth, and I didn't die. He smashed me with his tails and I didn't die. He fried me with his breath and I didn't die. And then…" She paused again. "Rage overcame him completely. So he started to pour his demonic energy into me, hoping that at least this would end me. But it didn't. So he poured his energy… until there was none left."

"Oh boy…" Naruto said.

"Yes. When I understood what happened, I… It was horrible, Naruto. Instead of an end, I became even more invincible." The girl stated. "That moment I finally snapped. Rage was the only thing that occupied my mind. I killed previous Kyuubi and went on a rampage, seeking to destroy everything that came before my eyes. And that continued until…"

"You came to Konoha."

"Yeah, I came to Konoha. And your father sealed me in you… That was a big shock, believe me. But once I realized your ambitions, I tried to help you in any way I could. Because you were the only one who could end my existence. But…"

"But?" Naruto asked.

"But when the time was reversed I gained all your memories and… I never believed someone will be able to raise my interest once again."

"Huh?"

"How could one man go against everyone and win?" Kyuubi asked. "I've never seen that done before! And I… I want to see it with my own eyes, not in some memory flashes."

Naruto's eyebrows furrowed. "What do you mean by that?"

"I want you to take my power once again."

"Hell no! I'm not starting over! I…"

"Think of the opportunities, Naruto!" Kyuubi shouted. "Think of the possibilities! You will be able to do things you couldn't back then!"

Naruto's eyes widened. "Sarutobi!"

Kyuubi smiled maliciously. "I see you're not so against it anymore. So?" She extended her hand.

"Eh? But that will kill you."

"Not if I give it to you myself." Kyuubi stated. "It's a contract."

"I… But why? Didn't you want to die?" The blond asked.

"I did… Because I wanted to put an end to my experience." The girl sighed. "But after gaining your memories… Death is just another experience for me."

"Oh…"

"So? Will you take the contract?" She extended her hand once again.

"Hmhmhm…" Naruto chuckled and got up slowly. "Nah, this is not how you seal the deal." He stated and wrapped his right arm around her waist. "Allow me to show you the right way!"

With that he pulled her closer into a fierce kiss, shoving his tongue inside her mouth right away. The girl responded immediately by wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling even closer. Both didn't know how much that moment lasted, but when their lips finally parted, both noticed that they stood in the middle of the forest.

They have returned to the real world.

"Shit… this is gonna hurt, right?" Naruto asked, whispering into girl's lips.

"I think so." She replied… and immediately jumped backwards because an enormous burst of energy erupted from Naruto's body next second.

**?...**

"This is outrageous! I will slay whoever did this…"

"You will do no such thing, Death." A beautiful woman in a bright blue dress stated. "You are not strong enough."

"What?!" The Death god responded. "Are you saying that I'm weak, sister?!"

"Enough. You know as well as everyone here that the reversal of time was made by the Supreme Goddess. No one is strong enough for her."

"Grr…" Death growled. "Yes, I know, Order… This however doesn't make me any less angry! I had to release three souls I possessed! THREE!"

"Not everyone is angry like you, Death." Another woman in the group stated. "The planet suffered a huge natural crisis because of all the wars and destruction."

"I agree with Nature." Life stated. "Many lives were wasted as well. Lives I worked so hard to create. As for your souls, you can have them again anytime."

"Tch, fine. But I'm still…" Death suddenly stopped. "My Lord!" He bowed.

"Lord Susannoo!" Others followed suit.

A handsome man walked into the room and sat down at the head of the table. "Be seated."

Four gods did.

"Now as you probably guessed, the time really was reversed." Susannoo began. "And you also probably guessed that it was done by my sister…"

"B-But my lord!" Order spoke. "The pact was never broken! Why would she interfere because of one single human?"

"Because that single human could put an end to everything!" Susannoo's voice boomed. "I had to intervene… However that was the exact thing she wanted."

"But why would she intervene like this?" Nature asked. "I mean, she could do anything. Why only reverse time?"

"No, not just reverse time." Life stated. "I can feel it. She changed something else. But I don't know what it is. At least not yet."

"It doesn't matter." Susannoo said. "Whatever she did, she did it for her own personal gain. Amaterasu was always the selfish one. However she is not all-knowing…"

"What do you mean by that, my lord?" Death asked.

A smirk appeared on Susannoo's face for the first time since his arrival. "She doesn't know I forbade time travels." His smirk widened. "And she doesn't know what punishment awaits those who will choose to defy me…"

**Konohagakure o sato. The forest of death…**

"Naruto?" Kyuubi looked down in the crater once the flow of energy stopped.

"Hmhmhm…"

"Are you alright?"

"Hmhmhmhahahahaha! AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Naruto raised his head and looked at her with pitch black eyes. "Not yet… It's not over yet… Because FINALLY…!"

**...**

**And there you have it, the first chapter of the second season. If you liked me, then send me cola.**

**On a side note, I'm thinking about bringing my omakes again. Tell me what you think and of course…**

**FUCK LIKE HELL AND SLEEP WELL! Man, I just love how good it sounds…**

**Darthemius.**


	2. Blast from the past

**Darthemius: Damn, here we go again.**

**Naruto (Entering the room): What the fuck, man?!**

**Darthemius (Slowly turning his head): Hmm? What?**

**Naruto: Where the fuck is everybody?!**

**Darthemius: Ah, that's what you mean… They all left.**

**Naruto: But where?!**

**Darthemius: They're all too busy learning their roles in EHD 2.**

**Naruto (Raising an eyebrow): Everyone?**

**Darthemius: Yep.**

**Naruto: Even Wesker?**

**Darthemius: Even Wesker.**

**Naruto (Sitting down on a sofa next to Darthemius): Shit man… Looks like this will get pretty boring in here. And what about the club?**

**Darthemius (Waving his hand): The club will go on. Me and you are more than enough for the time being. And I doubt Wesker and Seph can stay away from girls longer than a week. As for boring…**

**Wonder Woman: Mommy's back now, bitches!**

**Naruto (Jumping up and covering himself with his hands defensively): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! The insatiable bitch is back!**

**Darthemius (Stoically): Hello, Diana.**

**Naruto (Turning to Darthemius with a raised eyebrow): Wait, you knew?**

**Diana: Of course he did. Didn't he tell you? We went to see my mother just a week ago.**

**Darthemius (Frowning): More like you tied me up with your magic lasso and dragged me all the way there.**

**Naruto: You went to see her mother? What for? Wait… Is that what I think it is?!**

**Darthemius: Basically. In short words, her mother didn't approve of Diana being in a man's company. So yeah…**

**Naruto: Shit… And what did she do?**

**Darthemius: Well, she got her magic ass off her magic throne, took her magic sword and tried to cut off my magic balls. But then I took out my magic dick, and the queen quickly realized the benefits of being in man's company.**

**Naruto: How quickly?**

**Darthemius: Very. In fact, she threatened to kill me if I even think about leaving their island. Fortunately she didn't know that thinking is not exactly my thing… (Turning to Diana) I'm blaming you, you know.**

**Diana (innocently): What for?**

**Darthemius: I had to run away naked!**

**Diana (Slapping Darthemius' back): Oh, come on, you little sissy. It all went alright.**

**Darthemius: Alright?! Your mother wanted to turn me into Amazon's personal baby maker!**

**Naruto (Whistling loudly): Damn, I would've killed for such an opportunity.**

**Darthemius: Think again, man. You actually have no idea how many of them are there. Besides, they are as insatiable as she is!**

**Naruto and Diana: Bullshit.**

**Darthemius: Okay, maybe not exactly as insatiable, but pretty damn close. I was on the verge of dying after just one day!**

**Diana (Sadly): Yeah, and I didn't even get a turn. So we decided to hit it.**

**Darthemius: More like I ran off and you picked me up halfway through the ocean…**

**Diana: Yeah well, for some reason mother decided that I'm responsible for your disappearance, so I hit it as well. Mother is not very pleased though. You got her quite… addicted. Others as well.**

**Darthemius (Raising an eyebrow): That bad?**

**Diana: She actually considered taking another man and bringing him to the island with the same purpose.**

**Naruto (With shining eyes): I know just the guy!**

**Diana: You?**

**Naruto: Of course not. (Taking out a piece of paper and writing something on it) Give that address to your mother and tell her to ask for Uchiha Sasuke.**

**Diana (Placing paper between her breasts): Sure thing.**

**Naruto: So, what should we do now?**

**Diana: Well, I don't know about you, guys, but I'm going to make diner.**

**Naruto: …WHAT?!**

**Diana: What?**

**Naruto: Since when do you know how to cook?!**

**Diana: Since I learned that it's one of the responsibilities of a good girlfriend. (Disappearing in a kitchen) Later boys.**

**Naruto: …Girlfriend?**

**Darthemius: Don't say a word…**

**Naruto: But…**

**Darthemius: Don't. Say. A. Word. Or I'm sending you back to Kishimoto…**

**Naruto: We wasted him, man.**

**Darthemius: Okay, then I'm sending you back to what's left of Kishimoto.**

**Naruto: Okay, okay chill. And what about the club?**

**Darthemius: I think we'll have to find another place.**

**Naruto: Do you have something in mind?**

**Darthemius: Actually I do…**

**Darthemius's cell phone: I have voices in my head…**

**Darthemius (Picking up): Yeah? Okay, got it. On our way.**

**Naruto: What the hell was that?**

**Darthemius: A job call. Or did you actually think that you get to slack off while I do all the work?**

**Naruto: Oh, not again…**

**...**

**Chapter two: Blast from the past.**

"Hell yeah!" – talks.

'Art is a blast!' – thoughts.

"_Know your role!" _– Yamato.

"**KATSU!" – Demonic/jutsu.**

**...**

**Konohagakure no sato. Hokage's office…**

"Damn, I'm too old for this…"

"Here, Hokage-sama. All mission summaries."

Sarutobi Hiruzen, Sandaime Hokage of Konohagakure no sato… stared at his assistant with a twitching eye.

"I don't remember giving so many missions!" He shouted, overlooking a huge pile… pillar of papers.

"Oh, most of these missions were given to genin teams and were only a D-rank." A young chuunin answered.

"Then can't you check them yourself?!"

"No." The assistant shook his head. "It still needs your signature."

Hiruzen rolled his eyes. 'I should've just dumped this damn work on Jiraiya while I still had the chance…'

"Anyway, that's all for yesterday's reports…" The assistant continued. "I'll bring today ones right now."

Sarutobi's eyes widened. "That's not all?!"

"Of course not! Or have you forgotten…"

Suddenly…

PUFF.

"Hokage-sama!" A single ANBU shouted, appearing in a puff of smoke.

"What is it?!" Sandaime shouted back, standing up from his seat. 'Please tell me it's something important! PLEASE!'

"Huff… Huff… Kakash-taicho told me to deliver a message about…"

"About?" The Hokage asked hopefully.

The ANBU member gulped. "About… K-Kyuubi's possible bre-breakout…"

Sandaime's eyes widened. 'Holy fucking shit! Well, were you asking for important, old fool?!' He thought. "What happened?"

"It was…" The ANBU took a deep breath. "It was Uzumaki Naruto. He killed one of the academy instructors… Iruka I believe…"

"Iruka?" Hiruzen interrupted. "But why would he do something like this?!"

"W-Well Kakashi-senpai said that Kyuubi might be breaking out after Uzumaki used its power to kill one of my squad members."

"He did what?!" Sarutobi shouted. "Kakashi may be right after all! There is no chance that a child can take out an ANBU. Very well then, mobilize everyone! We need to stop Kyuubi before it breaks free completely!"

PUFF.

"What now!" Sarutobi exclaimed in frustration… only to come face to face with a very serious looking monkey Elder. "Enma?"

"**No time to explain, Sarutobi!" **The old monkey replied. **"You need to get Uzumaki Naruto into custody this instant!"**

"I was just about to do that, but… Why would you concern yourself with something like this? I mean, he is just a human and…"

"**He's everything but human!" **Enma yelled. **"And we must reach him before he absorbs Kyuubi's power once again!"**

Sandaime's jaw fell. "Before he WHAT?! You mean… he can actually do that?"

"**He can and he will unless we stop him." **The old monkey said. **"He might have lost his memory of the future as well, but even if he hasn't we still should have enough time to detain him."**

"Memories of the future?" Hiruzen tilted his head to the side. "What are you talking about?"

Enma shook his head furiously. **"There is no time, Sarutobi! You must capture him before he…"**

Words died in elder's throat next second. Why? Because he… along with everyone in the office felt a massive surge of power coming out of the forest of death.

"**NO!" **Enma screamed. **"Don't tell me we are too late!"**

Sarutobi looked in the window. "You mean… that's Naruto absorbing the Kyuubi?"

"**Even if it is, he still must be too weak after performing that technique of his! We must move NOW!"**

"Very well." The Hokage nodded, turning to his subordinate. "The order stands, mobilize every shinobi available and try to also calm the populace. Tell them it was some kind of… experiment. We don't need panic inside of the village."

"Hai, Hokage-sama!" The chuunin and the ANBU member saluted simultaneously.

"Oh, and forget everything you just heard… Let it simply be Kyuubi breaking free…"

**The forest of death…**

"Finally… Finally! That's right, jabronies, you heard that correctly! I said FINALLY NARUTO HAS COME BACK TO KONOHA! Man, I can't believe how great it sounds!"

"What, that you came back in Konoha?" Still naked Kyuubi asked slyly, landing beside him.

"No." Naruto answered. "That I actually came back. Sucks it happens to be in Konoha, but I can't really complain given my situation."

"Sure." The girl laughed slightly. "So, what's on your mind now? Where to start?"

Naruto looked around. "Well… how about right here? By the way, how about you tell me your name? Because, you know, Kyuubi doesn't fit you too much anymore."

"A name?" The girl looked genuinely surprised. "I don't even remember how long ago I was asked this question for the last time…"

"Maybe you forgot it as well?"

She turned to him with a smirk. "I did not. You may call me C.C."

"Eh?" Naruto raised an eyebrow. "I don't want to sound rude, but it's a stupid name."

C.C.'s smirk widened. "That may be so, but that's the only one you're gonna get."

The blond shrugged. "Fine, I'm okay with that. After all, you don't choose your name…"

Suddenly…

"…_et…out…er…on…ch!"_

Naruto raised an eyebrow again. "What?"

"_Get… e… out… he… you… so… ch!"_

"What?"

"_Get me out of here, you son of a bitch!"_

"What?" Naruto looked around in confusion.

"What's wrong?" C.C. asked.

"I hear something… familiar…"

"_Familiar my ass! Get me out of here, you piece of trash!"_

"Wh… Yamato?" Naruto raised his left hand and a beautiful katana in black sheath appeared in it. "Hey there, buddy!"

"_NARUTO! Oh my god, Naruto!" _Yamato shouted in relief and happiness. _"I feared it was all a dream!"_

"What was a dream?" The blond asked.

"_You! Me, our adventures together! Everything!" _The demon blade stated.

"How so?"

"_Well… One second I was in your hand, slashing through your enemies, and next second I'm back in my room inside of the Fire temple. You don't know how much time I was in seclusion… At first I thought it was all my imagination. I almost went insane…"_

"Yeah, I almost went myself…" Naruto replied. "But don't worry, pal! We're back together now!"

"_Hell yeah! Let's get to girls and drinks!"_

The blond smirked. "That's my sword."

"Umm…" C.C. exclaimed. "Now I know you can hear your sword, but when you talk to it out loud it looks crazy."

"_Now that's what I'm talking about!" _Yamato shouted. _"You work fast jabroni!"_

'Sure I work… Since when I'm a jabroni?!'

"_Since it took you so long! I was screaming for hours!"_

'Oh yeah?! Well, go fuck yourself!'

"_I'm a sword, I can't go anywhere!"_

Naruto paused. 'True… but I remember considering changing your scabbard to a pink one…"

"_NO! Anything but that! Or Orochimaru's ass…" _The demon blade responded. _"You are the man! Just don't do any of that."_

"Fine, fine…"

"Am I bothering you?" C.C. asked in slight frustration.

"Nah, sorry. I just had a very emotional reunion with my sword, which almost went insane just like me."

"Okay." She placed her hands on her hips. "So? What's next?"

Naruto stretched his shoulders. "Next I think you should cover yourself… just a little."

"Oh?" An amused smile appeared on C.C.'s face. "What am I hearing?! The big bad player Uzumaki Naruto can't stand a naked girl? Or perhaps that time distortion changed your sexual orientation as well?"

"Hell no!" Naruto shouted, even taking one unconscious step backwards. "There is a reason they call me the _MALE_storm! Easy, big fella!" He slapped his left hip. "This is just not the place for these things. Besides, I don't want anyone else but myself see you like this."

"Indeed." C.C. crossed her arms. "And who said _you_ can see me like this?"

"I did." Naruto replied. "Now listen here. The entire village has probably felt that energy surge when I took your power. So it's only natural that they will be on our ass pretty soon."

"True. What do you propose?" C.C. asked.

The blond thought for a minute. "Hmm… You said all non-humans retained their memories?"

"Yes."

"Well, this is bad." Naruto stated. "For I made several enemies back then. No doubt they will be after my ass as well."

"They shouldn't be a problem while you are in this dimension." The girl reminded.

Naruto rubbed his chin. "Well, they can cross it, but… You're right; I don't think anyone beside summons will. And they shouldn't be much of a problem."

"Alright, we agree on that." C.C. said. "But the question still remains… What should we do now?"

The blond folded his arms over his chest as well. "What to do…" He muttered. "I have plans, but they can wait. First we must get out of here."

"Get where?" C.C. asked.

Naruto paused in thoughts. "Hmm… You know what, do you know where Rice Field Country is?"

"I do." The girl nodded.

"Excellent. Then go there and find out where the village of Hidden Sound is."

C.C. raised her pretty eyebrow. "Orochimaru?"

Naruto grinned evilly. "He's still just a human."

"Hahaha!" The girl laughed. "You are indeed one cunning son of a bitch. Very well, I'll find out where he is… Can I kill anyone?"

Naruto snorted. "Do you really need my permission to do that?"

C.C.'s grin widened. "No, I'm just giving you the illusion of control."

The blond shook his head. "No, you're giving me a hard on. So get the fuck out of here before I nail your ass against that tree."

"Fine, fine." C.C. said and winked at him. "See you soon. Enjoy the attention."

"You bet I will." Naruto turned around and started to walk towards forest's exit.

"_Man, she's hot!" _Yamato commented. _"Where did you get her?"_

"From my head."

"_Holy shit!" _The demon blade shouted. _"You have the power to animate imaginary things?!"_

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Yes! Now I have that power! Are you happy?"

"_Of course! Can you imagine some goons to kill?"_

The blond paused. "Well…"

Suddenly…

"I think I heard something…"

"There he is!"

Five guys in ANBU uniform landed in front of him.

"_Holy fucking shit!" _Yamato exclaimed. _"Man, you're a fucking god!"_

Naruto smirked. 'Not quite yet… But I'm planning to be.'

"Name yourse…" The ANBU captain began, but stopped in mid-sentence. "What the…?"

"Is that… Yondaime-sama?" Someone asked and others started to whisper among themselves.

Naruto's eye twitched. 'Do I really resemble that jabroni this much?!'

"_You want an honest answer?"_

The demon sighed. 'No, I don't…' He then straightened and put on a warm smile. "Yes, I'm your beloved Yondaime Hokage! Oh, and here's the proof!" He took out a kunai he used to get there and threw it behind the unfortunate ANBU. **"Hiraishin no jutsu!"**

Being the only one who actually witnessed Yondaime in action, the captain acted instantly once Naruto threw his kunai. He jumped away… only to look behind and witness how the rest of his team got sliced into small pieces.

"You!" The captain landed on the ground and glared at Naruto. "You are not Yondaime-sama!"

Naruto looked around and mocked a hurtful expression. "Aww, how did you guess? I thought I was acting so good…" He looked down at disemboweled bodies. "Right, guys?"

"You monster!" The captain shouted, preparing to strike.

"Demon actually." Naruto replied, covering his face from sudden wind. "Damn, that was not warm. Is it autumn already?" He said, noticing that he was still half naked.

And then he looked back at the ANBU captain…

And an evil grin formed on his face…

"My, that's a fine coat you have there!"

**Konohagakure no sato. Academy grounds…**

"Cough… Cough…" One Uchiha Sasuke was slowly regaining his consciousness. "Damn, that hurt…" He muttered, clutching his ribs.

"Sasuke?" A sudden familiar voice got his attention.

"Ryuga?"

"Yeah, that's me." The brown haired boy kneeled in front of his friend's lying body. "Are you okay, man?"

"Not quite…" The Uchiha replied. "I think I have a broken rib."

"Damn, we need to get you to the hospital." Ryuga got under Sasuke's right arm. "Let me help you up…"

"No, forget the hospital!" Sasuke shouted all of sudden. "I need to find… Sakura…" His eyebrows rose after he said that.

"What?" Ryuga asked. "What for?"

"I… I don't know." Sasuke replied, shaking his head a little. "I just felt a sudden urge to see if she was alright."

Ryuga looked at him strangely. "Damn, you were hit worse than I thought."

"Guys!"

Sasuke turned his head sharply. "Sakura?"

"Sasuke!" The girl ran over quickly and stood in front of him.

"Thank god you're alright!" They said at the same time.

Silence.

"O-kay… Can someone tell me what the heck is going on?" Ryuga exclaimed in confusion.

"I… I'm sorry…" Sakura began. "I just felt the need to see…"

"If I was alright?" Sasuke finished for her.

"Yes. How did you…?"

"I felt the same." The Uchiha stated.

"Alright, stop!" Ryuga shouted, spreading his arms. "I knew Sakura was head over heels about you for an eternity, but you never thought twice about her. Looks like Naruto hit you too hard…"

"Naruto…" Sakura and Sasuke whispered at the same time and looked at each other. "We must stop him! What?"

"You tell me!" Ryuga shouted.

"Uh." Sasuke clutched his head in pain. "Let's find the Hokage, he should know something."

"Hai!"

**The forest of death…**

"What do you think, Enma?"

"**It's obvious we are too late, Sarutobi." **The monkey Elder responded. **"But I still feel his terrifying presence nearby. He's still in the village."**

"Good, we might still catch up to him." Sandaime said with a nod.

Suddenly…

"Hokage-sama!"

"Kakashi?" The old man asked. "Why are you…? Wait, where's the rest of your squad? And what happened to your eye?"

"It was Naruto, Hokage-sama." The grey haired jounin stated. "He tore my eye off… and he killed the rest of my squad except for Yugao, who was incapacitated by a genjutsu, and Todo, who I left with her."

Hiruzen's eyes narrowed. "I see."

"Itachi was right, Hokage-sama."

"Yes, I realize that now." The old man frowned. "Too little, too late. But we can't give up, Naruto is still here, I already ordered all military mobilization of the village. If he doesn't have some unnatural way out of the village, Naruto will have a whole lot of problems very soon…"

**Konohagakure no sato. Uchiha district… (Starting song: "Enter Sandman" by Metallica)**

"The fuck?!" Naruto exclaimed, walking down the busy street. What surprised him so much you ask? Well, maybe because it was a busy street…

In the middle of a fucking Uchiha district.

"This is _certainly_ not the past." He muttered, looking how some man played with his baby girl.

Both had clothes with Uchiha's symbol on.

"This is insanity!" The blond said quietly, just as a group of Uchiha chuunins rushed past him. 'I annihilated this clan when I was fucking nine! Right now I should be fifteen. So am I forgetting something, or I have simply lost it completely?!'

"_I sense no anomaly around this place." _The demon blade replied. _"It looks similar to every place in Konoha."_

Naruto stopped in front of some building and leaned on the wall. 'Okay…' He thought, placing a hand on his face and closing his eyes. 'This place looks like the past, at least somewhat. Everything about me is the same, but… No Ino and Neji, I'm friends with Sasuke of all people. And Uchihas are alive! Wait, Mikoto! I have to check… but first.' The blond smirked, entering the building.

"Oh, may I help you, sir?" The store owner asked.

Naruto's smirk widened. "Sure, tell the god I'm coming for his ass." With that he instinctively raised his hand and…

BANG.

"Wow!" Naruto exclaimed, looking down at his smoking gun. "Even this thing remained! Hello, my precious!"

"_Hey, I thought I am your precious!" _Yamato grunted.

"Hah, no way, buddy! That sounds way too gayish."

Yamato paused. _"Yeah, that kind of does… Anyway, why are you here?"_

"Oh, right!" Naruto walked around the counter, trying not to step on store owner's splattered brains.

"_Sissy."_

"Hey, these are exclusively made six hundred ryo shoes by the way." Naruto responded, getting to a stand with sunglasses. "Come to papa." He took a pair of mirror-like classic sunglasses and placed them over his eyes. "Perfect! Am I good or am I good?"

"_Chill out, pal. You're good."_

Naruto smirked confidently. "That I am!"

"_Come on, your princess awaits…"_

**Uchiha Clan head's house…**

"Damn it all! What the hell is going on?" A very irritated Uchiha Fugaku paced around his living room. "First that mobilization order, and now Sasuke is late from the academy!"

"Be calm, darling." His wife Mikoto responded, doing her usual thing… which was making dinner of course… Well, at least Fugaku thought so. Let's not disappoint the guy. "Hokage-sama must have some reason for that order. And Sasuke is probably hanging out with Naruto and Ryuga again. You know how he is." She spoke, smiling reassuringly.

"Yes, you're probably right…" Fugaku sighed and finally sat down on the couch and picked up a cup of tea from the table in front of him. "Still, what could possibly happen for them to order mobilization of everyone? Won't ANBU be enough?"

Mikoto's eyes narrowed. 'Indeed, that is out of character. The Hokage doesn't like to create panic. What could possibly…' But her need to guess disappeared before she could even start.

The entrance door opened slowly and one stranger entered. A stranger dressed in open black coat and a pair of leather pants. And if you forget about a pair of sunglasses on his face, he really resembled…

"M-Minato?" Fugaku stuttered, standing up… Big mistake. For with a quick burst of flames the stranger appeared in front of him… jumped up and gave the Uchiha Clan head RKO through the table that just happened to be between them.

"Wrong." He said, turning to Mikoto. 'There she is… just how I remember her.'

Said woman's knife fell out of her hand once she noticed what move that stranger used to knock out her husband. "N-Naru…? But I thought you needed my help for…"

In an instance he appeared in front of her, just like he did with Fugaku and… aimed his gun right at her forehead.

"Wha…?!" Mikoto took a step back in shock and confusion. "What are you doing?"

Naruto's eyebrows furrowed. "What is my favorite catchphrase, Mikoto?"

The woman tilted her head to the side. "Why are you…?"

"Answer me dammit!" Naruto shouted.

Mikoto held a pause. "But I thought you hated when someone used them."

Naruto's hand started to shake. "Just say the fucking catchphrase." He said quietly, almost like a whisper.

The woman only rolled her eyes and coughed a few times. "Finally Naruto has come ba…" But before she could finish the sentence Naroto has firmly shut her mouth… with his own.

"Mymh!" Mikoto moaned with wide eyes, surprised by Naruto's ferociousness. Then she leaned her head slightly back in order to break the lip connection. "Can you finally tell me what the fuck is going on?"

"Later." Naruto said, kissing her again. "Now shut your mouth and enjoy."

"Kyah!" Mikoto yelped when he picked her up and laid her on a kitchen table. "What, right here?"

"I said shut your mouth!" Naruto exclaimed, throwing his coat away… and taking off his sunglasses.

"Oh my god…" Mikoto muttered in awe, looking deep into his pitch black eyes.

The demon smirked. "Almost guessed it." He quickly crossed the small space between them and in one motion ripped her dress in two.

"Ah!" Mikoto yelped again, starting to feel a little scared. 'He never dominated me like this…' However because of that she started to become really wet in certain areas.

'Fuck! I haven't felt so much lust in years!' Naruto thought, undoing his belt. And it seemed to him that Mikoto shared his view with that hungry and somewhat scared look she was giving him.

Mikoto for her part could almost feel the desire radiating off of Naruto in waves. An inching sensation appeared in her womb. She needed something inside. She needed it now!

"No foreplay!" Naruto exclaimed, ripping Mikoto's panties in two.

"Yes!" The woman pulled herself up and wrapped her hands around his neck. "Come! Fuck me!"

"Grah!" Giving out a primal roar he grabbed her waist roughly and allowed himself in.

"AAAH!" A piercing scream escaped from Mikoto's mouth when Naruto shoved his cock in to its full length. She bit her lower lip. 'When did he become so big?!'

Naruto leaned in and kissed her deeply. "This feeling… it followed me everywhere."

"Huff…" Mikoto took a breath and rubbed his face with her palm. "Naruto, baby. Your shape is amazing as always." She said, kissing him back.

"Mmm…" The demon moaned and smiled warmly. "Your unique taste… how I missed it…"

Mikoto smiled back gently and rubbed his face again… But then she grabbed his hair roughly and looked at him with such lust that she actually looked angry.

"Enough sweet talk! Fuck my pussy harder than you ever did!"

Naruto's eyes flickered with fire. He roughly grabber Mikoto's waist once again and started to bang her pussy mercilessly.

"Ah!" Mikoto moaned in ecstasy. "Yes! Yes, right there! More!" She screamed, fueling Naruto's passion further.

"Grrr." Naruto growled, starting to thrust harder and faster. Right now he felt like a man possessed. He wasn't aiming for pleasure… though it was off the charts already. No, he was not doing it for the sake of sex. He just wanted to cum in her, to fill her with his sperm. He wanted that to prove… mostly to himself that this woman finally belongs to him… again.

The only thing he wasn't counting for was table's resiliency… or the lack of it.

CRACK.

"Kyah!" Mikoto almost fell when the table broke in half, but Naruto picked her up again and slammed her back into the wall. "Ah!" She moaned, shoving her tongue into his mouth once again. "Fuck me, honey!" The woman grabbed his butt with both hands, pulling him deeper into her. "Make me cum!"

Naruto shoved his dick further, making Mikoto's back arch. "Milk me, baby! Milk me dry!" He said, thrusting as hard as he could… until the wall broke as well. It was a traditional Japanese house after all.

"Gha!" Naruto twisted their bodies so Mikoto fell on top of him as they landed on the floor. "Finish it, babe!"

Mikoto grinned evilly. "Yesss." She sat up straight and started to move her hips back in forth. "Ah! I'm almost there, Naruto!"

The demon gritted his teeth, feeling how Mikoto's inner walls tightened around him. 'Fuck, I forgot how good she is at this!' His eyes shut tight. "Oh shit!"

"Do it, dear! Give me your cum!"

"Fuck!" Naruto grunted. "I'm about to blow, Mikoto!"

Woman's smile widened as she bit her lower lip again and clenched her walls even tighter.

"HAAAAAAAAAA!" Naruto roared on top of his lungs, blowing probably the biggest load in his life inside Mikoto's womb.

Said woman's eyes widened at the feeling of hot cum being shot inside of her with tremendous force. Her body shook uncontrollably and her mouth opened in a silent scream… but nothing came out. Her breathing simply stopped because of the overwhelming sensation…

"Huff…"

And then it was over. Mikoto fell limply on top of her lover, breathing heavily, just like he did.

"Huff… Huff… Holy fucking shit…" She exclaimed. "What… Huff… What was that all about? You did it like you haven't seen me in ages."

Naruto smiled slightly. "Perhaps I haven't…"

Mikoto slapped his shoulder playfully. "Come on, we did it just yesterday… Remember when Fugaku…" Her eyes widened. "Shit, Fugaku!"

They both looked behind Mikoto's back… and sighed in relief, noticing that Mikoto's husband was still out like a light.

"Whew…" The woman exclaimed, standing up slowly. "Damn, I'll probably walk funny for the rest of the day."

"Hmhmhm…" Naruto chuckled, standing up as well. "Are you unhappy about it?"

"Hell no." She smirked at him. "That was the best fuck in my life." She then sat at the couch her husband was previously occupying and laid her legs on his unconscious body. "Now start talking."

"Haha!" The demon laughed hard. "Damn, put some clothes on for fuck's sake! The way you said it just now almost made me ravish you again."

Mikoto's smirk widened. "What's the problem? I have time for round two."

Naruto's smile fell. "Unfortunately I don't."

The woman sighed. "Alright, start talking then. How come you executed the plan without my help?"

Naruto sighed as well and sat in the armchair across from her. "I didn't really have a choice. It was either try myself, or die from a headache. I chose to try." He smirked and pointed down at himself. "As you can see, I chose right."

Mikoto grinned smugly. "Yeah, I also felt it."

"You meant the power surge?"

"No, I meant your dick."

"Oh…"

"So the surge was you draining Kyuubi's power I presume?" The woman asked.

"Yeah, it was easier than I thought…" A sudden idea came into his head. 'This world is different from mine; I need to learn more about it…'

"_Sure, go ahead!" _Yamato replied sarcastically. _"Hey, babe! Do you know I'm from the future where you died?!"_

The demon paused. 'True, let's not freak her out… at least not right now.'

"Naruto?"

The blond shook his head. "Sorry, Mikoto. I just…" He took a deep breath. 'Let's try this…' "Look, when I absorbed Kyuubi's power, I also got h… his memory…"

"_Sure, don't forget to mention the size of _his_ breasts."_

'Shut up.' Naruto hushed his sword. "So as you can probably guess my memory is a little fucked up right now."

"Ah." Mikoto crossed her arms. "So that's what brought on that catchphrase shit."

"Yeah, that's what." The blond nodded. "So would you be so kind as to remind me a few things?"

"Sure." She responded. "What do you want to know about?"

"Well…" Naruto paused… but then his glance stumbled upon Fugaku, who was still lying under Mikoto's naked feet. "Let's start with this… Weren't we planning the annihilation of your clan?"

Mikoto tilted her head to the side. "You don't even remember that?"

The demon shrugged. "As you can see…"

"Okay then." She said. "Yeah, we did plan it. But you halted the entire thing on the assigned date."

"I did?" Naruto asked. "Do you remember why?"

"Of course I do, I'm surprised that you don't." Mikoto stated. "You cancelled everything that day because you somehow learned that Itachi gained Mangekyo Sharingan. Then you appeared just in time to save me and defeated Itachi. You also let me kill him so I could get Mangekyo as well."

Naruto's head ached suddenly. 'That day… I remember it as if it was yesterday. I got there, yes. But I got there too late! Why?! Why I couldn't make it in time?! Where was I? I… I was with Ino! And we were preparing…' His eyes then widened with realization. 'There is no Ino in this world! Well, there is, but she never walked in on my training! She never became a part of my group! So I got straight to Mikoto and I…' A satisfied smirk appeared on his face. "I see… What happened to Itachi's body?"

The woman in front of him smirked back. "What do you think?" She asked as her eyes changed… twice.

"Hahaha, excellent!"

"Yep, you said it that time as well." Mikoto stated.

"Okay…" Naruto thought for a moment. "By the way, what the fuck? Am I really friends with Sasuke?!"

Mikoto snorted. "Yeah, sorry about that. It was my idea because I was getting sick of meeting you somewhere in secret. So I suggested you befriend Sasuke, so we could offer you to live with us." Her smirk widened. "That way we could go at it every day."

"Sounds great!"

"Indeed it does. So, when are we breaking out?"

Naruto tilted his head to the side in confusion. "What?"

Mikoto's smile fell. "Don't tell me you forgot that as well."

"Actually I did." He stated. "What's that about breaking out?"

The woman sighed. "You promised that once you drain the Kyuubi we'll break out of this hell hole together."

"Hmm…" Naruto thought. "Well, I think we can do that, but…"

"But?"

"But I don't really have a place to run to… yet. And I don't want to lose you…" He said. 'Again.'

Mikoto's eyes narrowed. "Do you think I can't take care of myself?"

"No." Naruto replied. "I think that the whole world will be against me after this day. And I want to keep you away from danger for as long as I can."

Mikoto looked down. "Fine, what do you want me to do then?"

"For now nothing." Naruto replied, standing up. "Lay low, deny everything and do nothing suspicious. I think in about one and a half a year I'll return and take you out of here for good."

"Why in one and… Oh, I see. Well… Okay, if you want that then that is what I'll do." She stood up as well and walked over to hug him. "Just don't take too long. I hate it when you're not around."

Naruto paused. "And I hate leaving you like this, but…" He took out his only Hiraishin kunai. "If the situation will become critical, drop that on the ground next to you."

"Alright." She nodded and took the kunai slowly. "I'll be waiting. And be careful, the village is under the mobilization order and the Hokage is probably…"

But her sentence was interrupted with a loud girlish voice from the street.

"Daddy, daddy! I want Yondaime-sama's doll!"

"What?" Naruto walked to the window and looked outside… only to step back in shock next second. "Fuck!"

"What's wrong?" Mikoto asked, looking in the same window. "Since when are you afraid of civilians?"

Naruto shook his head. "Not that! Look at what they are dressed in!"

Mikoto looked out again. "Yondaime's clothes, what's wrong with that?"

"What's wrong?! Why in the blue hell are they dressed like that?!"

Mikoto raised an eyebrow. "Umm… I don't want to ridicule you, but…" She pointed her finger at the wall.

"Wha…?" Naruto turned his head and raised both eyebrows. "Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me…"

Mikoto smiled slyly. "Happy birthday, Naruto."

There was a calendar showing one date… October the 10th.

**Hokage tower roof…**

"All squad captains report!" Sandaime Hokage shouted. "Anyone with information about Uzumaki Naruto take a step forward!"

No one moved.

Hiruzen rolled his eyes. "Fuck me sideways…"

"You said something, Hokage-sama?"

"Wha…?" The old man turned his head. "No, nothing, Kakashi… And go to the hospital for Kami-sama's sake, your eye is still bleeding."

The jounin shook his head. "I'm sorry, but I'll have to decline, Hokage-sama. I must repent for my mistakes."

"What mistakes?"

"It was… It was my fault, Hokage-sama." Kakashi stated. "It was I who ridiculed Itachi on his report when he was right all along. I should've acted like a professional and at least checked it out. Instead Naruto played us all for fools and got what he wanted." He gritted his teeth. "And I will be damned if I let him escape with that."

The old man sighed. "Alright… What do you think, Enma?"

The elder closed his eyes. **"I can still sense his presence. He didn't leave yet…"**

Hiruzen rubbed his beard. "I wonder why he didn't sneak out yet…"

"**I don't think he will sneak out anymore…" **Enma stated, looking down from the roof.

"Why not?" The Hokage asked.

"**Look there." **Enma pointed down. **"What do you see?"**

"The festival is starting. Those morons have ignored my orders again! I told them to cancel it!" The old man replied. "But wait, Naruto always missed it."

Enma shook his head. **"Uzumaki Naruto **_**I know**_** will **_**never**_** miss this. Get ready to take extreme measures…"**

**...**

**Darthemius: Well, this is it for the chapter! And now… shit, I don't even know how long it's been, but… **

**Here Darthemius presents to you…**

**THE NARUTO VERSUS OMAKES!**

**As I said, guys. It's been a while since I wrote one of those, so please don't kill me right away…**

**...**

**OMAKE: Naruto versus the X-men…**

**...**

Naruto: Rooftops… What's with these hero types?! I mean it's always rooftops or severs with them.

Darthemius: Well, then be thankful that it's not severs.

Naruto: But still, we're going to waste X-men! X-fucking-men!

Darthemius (Shrugging): What about it? If I remember correctly we wiped the Justice League. And quite frankly I think those guys were much tougher.

Naruto: You don't say. I remember almost breaking my leg on Superman's balls. Steel balls, man! Now that's an ability I'd love to have.

Darthemius (Grinning): Yeah, after all, you can't call yourself a man if you never got hit between your legs by a girl.

Naruto: Damn straight. By the way, I brought cola. Want some?

Darthemius: You need to ask?! Hand it over!

PSHHHT.

?: Hey, I heard something.

?: Yeah, and I smell… cola?

?: Cola? Oh shit…

Naruto: Well, I guess our company has arrived.

Darthemius: Yep. By the way, didn't last voice sounded somewhat familiar?

Naruto: Now that you mention it…

Wolverine: There they are!

Cyclops: Surrender yourself and you won't be harmed.

Naruto (Turning his head): Well, would you look at… What the fuck?!

Darthemius: What? What?

Naruto: Tell me something, man. How come those freaks have a bunch of hot girls, dressed in next to nothing, and we're just two guys drinking cola?!

Cyclops: I told you to surrender.

Darthemius: What do you have against cola?

Naruto: Not cola, man! Where's our girls?!

Darthemius: Well, Diana is back at home making diner and… Well fuck me if I know where they are.

Naruto: No thank you, man.

Cyclops: Hey! I'm talking to you.

Naruto: Oh yeah, sorry about that. What were you saying, condom-man?

Cyclops: W-What?!

Naruto (Shrugging): Well, you're wearing condoveralls, so I thought that's your nickname.

Cyclops: I'm not wearing any condoveralls!

Wolverine: Actually you do…

Cyclops: Enough, Logan! (To Naruto and Darthemius) You two are wanted by the government for depravity, parasitism and cola stealing! You are coming with us!

Naruto (To Darthemius): I'm telling you, man. Check it out, we have Captain Condome (Pointing at wolverine) A walking traffic sign (At Beast and Nightcrawler) Two gay brothers…

Darthemius: Why gay?

Naruto: Well, they're blue…

Darthemius: Good point.

Cyclops: Did you hear what I just said?!

Naruto: Then we have… Actually this one doesn't looks so bad. Hey you! Yeah, in a coat. What's your name?

Gambit: Gambit.

Naruto: Okay, stupid name.

Darthemius: Why stupid.

Naruto: Can be easily twisted into a Gaybit.

Darthemius: You're awfully negative towards gays tonight… It's not like I like them, but…

Naruto: Well, you were probably absent when they had their parade right on the very street we're living.

Darthemius (To the side): Have to thank Diana for that one later.

Cyclops: STOP IGNORING ME!

Naruto: Be quiet man, please. We're talking here.

Cyclops: Wha…?!

Naruto: Anyway, check these girls, man! Hot as my shit after I ate a fucking chili pepper!

Darthemius: Yeah, I like that blondie. Ice Queen if I remember correctly…

Naruto: Well, I more like this hot chocolate chick and her latex wearing friend.

Darthemius: What about this purple haired one?

Naruto: Very nice! I'd very much… Hey, I saw some red hair in the back! Come, out come out!

Cyclops: That does it! X-men, we're taking them in!

Darthemius: Wait a goddamn second… is that you there, Jean?

Cyclops: What?

Wolverine: Why are you hiding, Jeannie?

Storm: Do you know these men, Jean?

Jean Grey (Somewhat appearing from behind Cyclops' frame): N-No. I've never seen them before.

Naruto: Don't bullshit me, girl. You have a club card.

Darthemius: A VIP card as well.

Cyclops (Suspiciously): What is this club they're talking about, Jean?

Jean: It's um… It's a poetry club! Yes, a nice and quiet place.

Cyclops (Turning to Darthemius): Is that true?

Darthemius: Actually no, not really. It's a ladies club where girls can have a full enjoyment of being a woman.

Cyclops: And how long are you a member, Jean?

Jean: I… I have just bought a card, Scott! I never even went there!

Cyclops (Turning to Darthemius): Is that true?

Darthemius: Actually no, not really. She's been a member for two years.

Jean: No, Scott! You have to believe me! I've never cheated on you in my entire life!

Cyclops (Turning to Darthemius): Is that…

Naruto: Man, you really don't want to know.

Cyclops: Answer me!

Naruto: Well okay… I think it was Darth and Wesker doing her from both sides, when she came so hard that she actually burned half of the place.

Darthemius: I'm still wondering where you got so much money to pay for repairs…

Cyclops (In shock): Our wedding money… Jean, you spent the money we prepared to get married for… for…!

Jean: No, Scott, please! It wasn't me, I…

Naruto: Oh, what the hell is wrong with you today, Jean?! You're no fun. Bring out the Dark Phoenix!

Darthemius (Grinning): _Oh yeah. Finish me with your dick, I beg you. I don't want to HURT YOU!_

Naruto (Grinning back): _I… hunger, Naruto – for a joy, a rapture. Beyond all comprehension!_

Naruto and Darthemius: HAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

Cyclops: I… can't believe it. Jean, how could you do this to me? How could you betray me like this?

Jean: I…

Naruto: Wait a sec. Is this your boyfriend, Jean? The one with… tiny strudel?

Rogue: Scott has a tiny… Oh my.

Emma Frost: I'm not gunning for him anymore…

Storm: Makes sense actually…

Jean: Scot, you… you… YOU! This is actually your fault! You always insist on turning the lights off! Always insist on using condoms! You never rip my clothes to pieces! You…!

Naruto: Refuse to do you in the ass?

Jean: Exactly! (Blushing madly) I mean… I mean… **IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I MEAN!**

Naruto: Oh shit, here we go. How's that new place of yours?

Darthemius: Still working on it, man…

Cyclops: J-Jean?

Jean: **Not anymore! I am fire and life incarnate! Now and forever – I am Phoenix!**

Beast: I don't know about you, guys, but I suggest a strategic retreat…

Emma Frost: I completely agree.

Wolverine: I'm not leaving Jeannie.

Gambit: And I actually want to see Scott getting his ass kicked…

Jean: **YOU AND I ARE QUITS NOW, SCOTT! OUR PATHS WILL CROS NO MORE! MY DESTINY LIES WITH… THEIR CLUB! SO BURN!**

Cyclops (Burning to a crisp): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

Wolverine: Okay, I'm convinced. Fuck this shit. (Running away, quickly followed by the rest of the X-men)

Naruto (Looking down at ashes that used to be Cyclops a minute ago): That's gotta hurt… But wait, weren't we paid to take down the X-men?

Darthemius: If Jean is a part them, then fuck it. (Pointing at the ashes) I don't want to become like that.

Naruto: Yep, good point. Well, nothing more to do here, so…

Jean: **Nothing you say…**

Darthemius: Oh fuck…

Jean (Levitating Darthemius and Naruto towards her): **Got that right.**

KO! Winner: Dark Phoenix!

Naruto: Hey, that ain't fair!

Jean: **The world isn't fair. NOW START LICKING!**

**...**

**Well, that's completely it. See you next time. And of course…**

**FUCK LIKE HELL AND SLEEP WELL.**

**Darthemius.**


	3. Meet again

**Darthemius (Lying on his bed): Shit it's boring…**

**Darthemius' cell phone: I have voices in my head…**

**Darthemius (Picking up): Who the hell is this?**

**Unknown voice: Seven days…**

**Darthemius: What?**

**Unknown voice: You will die in seven days…**

**Darthemius: …What?**

**Unknown voice: I said you will die in seven days, you idiot!**

**Darthemius: I don't play that stupid game…**

**Unknown voice: No dammit! You have seven days to live!**

**Darthemius: I don't work in that stupid company. And I hate their croissants.**

**Unknown voice: Fucking shit! You stupid imbecille! In seven days I will come and kill you! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!**

**Darthemisu: Oh… (Boringly) Well I think you'll be happy to know that I'm already shitting my pants from fear… (Picking his ear) But just for the record, what is **_**your**_** problem with me?**

**Unknown voice: Because you watched that tape yesterday.**

**Darthemius: You mean the Smurfs? But it was Diana! And I had no choice but to watch since the TV was behind her back while she was riding my dick.**

**Unknown voice: Well, not my problem. You watched it, so I will come and kill you.**

**Darthemius (Boringly): Yeah, as I said, I'm scared shitless…**

**Unknown voice: You don't believe me?!**

**Darthemius: Of course not. Now stop bullshitting me and get a life.**

**Unknown voice: I can't get a life… (Crawling out of Darthemius' TV) Because I'm dead.**

**Darthemius (Boringly): Ah, another dead… Well, come get me then.**

**Ugly blue girl with messy black hair (Raising her hands): I will strangle you!**

**Darthemius (Picking up a shotgun from the floor and pointing at girl's face): Strangle this.**

**BANG.**

**Diana (Barging into the room, wearing nothing but apron): What the fuck is… FUCKING SHIT! (Pointing at the floor) What the fuck is that, Darth?!**

**Darthemius (Shrugging): It's a dead undead girl with her brains splattered all over your new carpet.**

**Diana: EXACTLY! Why the hell did you do that for?! My carpet! Do you have any idea how much it costs?! Couldn't you throw her out of the window?! Hang her on a bra?! Or at least just smash her head against the wall! (Falling on her knees) My carpet… Wait, where did you get a shotgun?**

**Darthemius: This one? Oh, I always sleep with it… since you moved in.**

**Diana: So… it wasn't yoru dick pocking me in the leg yesterday?**

**Darthemius: No. For if you would've tried to rape me one more time yesterday, I would've fired it.**

**Diana (Looking at the shotgun skeptically): It can't hurt me.**

**Darthemius: Well, you can't blame me for dreaming. As for your carpet, dry cleaning is just down the road.**

**Diana: Oh, okay. I'll go there. (Taking a carpet and flying off the window)**

**Darthemius: Wait! At least… Put some more clothes on… Sigh. Okay, guys. While Diana's out I can finally do a proper AN.**

**Well hello there people. I apologize for the lack of recent updates, it's just my best friend had a very huge birthday party recently and I got drunk as shit. Even by my standards.**

**Okay, let's not beat around the bush any longer. I have several things I want to discuss.**

**And the first is… People, please stop sending me messages with some SOPA law. If it's a law, then I can't do shit against it. And if it's just a project, then I can only pray that it fails. However in these messages people send to me, I'm always asked to 'spread the word'. Please, guys. I'm not exactly known for 'spreading the word'. You got the wrong guy, contact someone who actually likes spending time in twitter and facebook.**

**Okay, point number two. I've been asked many times recently, what do I think about latest Naruto manga progress. What I have to say is… WHAT FUCKING PROGRESS?! I don't see shit! 20 flashbacks! 30 throwbacks! 50 lame jokes! And 100 acts of idiotism! Who gives a crap what 1****st**** Hokage did 100 years ago?! Yeah, maybe someone does… But it doesn't mean you have to put it in the MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING FINAL BATTLE! And I wanted to wait until this shit is over… Yeah well, it's good that I didn't.**

**Still, I have to say that Kishimoto has exceeded every barrier of stupidity I even thought possible. Why?! Let me ask you a question, kiddies. Did you know that the great demon Juubi… IS ACTUALLY A MOTHERFUCKING TREE?! Yeah, I expected many outcomes… But not that one. I have to give credits where credits due though. It's hard to surprise me. Well, Kishimoto did that again and again. Shit… And it started so well.**

**No matter. In fact, I will give you guys a little interest pique. I have decided to cut that Juubi/World tree crap completely out of EHD 2. That's right. Maybe only mention it once or twice. Instead… I'm going to spit in Kishimoto's face. Not literally of course, he's in Japan. But in his work, in his story, in his very idea of Naruto. In this story I'm going to spit on all that.**

**Okay, enough, or I'll never shut up. Lastly I would like to remind all of you, that if you are a great appreciator of family values, a member of Greenpeace organization, an CIA agent, Hinata fan, fluff lover, Werewolf or Massassi Kishimoto, then you should really stop reading this story. I mean it! Especially if you're Hinata fan, or Kishimoto…**

**Enough, let's get this show on the road…**

**...**

**Chapter three: Meet again.**

"Hell yeah!" – talks.

'Art is a blast!' – thoughts.

"_Know your role!"_ – Demon blades.

"**Katsu!" **Demonic/jutsu.

**...**

**Konohagakure no sato. Mikoto's house…**

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!" Naruto laughed hard. "Of all possible days I just had to return in this one!"

"Huh?" Mikoto looked at him in confusion. "What do you mean 'return'?"

Naruto smirked. "Nothing, just a manner of speaking…"

"Right…" The woman nodded. She knew when not to press Naruto for answers. "So, what should we do at the moment?"

"Well you should probably go upstairs and change your outfit since I did such a good job at destroying your last one."

Mikoto looked down at herself. "Oh yeah, that…"

"Yeah, that." Naruto suddenly got closer and lifted Mikoto's chin slightly with his hand. "Now look here, once this piece of trash…" He pointed at Fugaku. "…Wakes up, tell him that he simply fell asleep and dreamt all this crap about Minato look-alike RKOing him through a table. And if anyone else from Konoha asks you any questions about me or our relationship, deny everything."

"Okay, but what if they'll use Yamanaka's mind techniques?" The woman asked.

Naruto gritted his teeth. "Damn, I didn't consider this… Okay, if they'll try to do this crap then you'll have to take them out."

Mikoto's eyebrows rose. "But their techniques are impossible to beat if you let them hit you. And if I try to resist they will know I'm trying to hide something."

The blond grinned at this. "Don't worry, babe. I devised a plan for things like these a long time ago." He took out a single scroll. "This scroll contains my personal records on just about everything. There are many things I want you to learn from this, but among them there is this one seal I devised. You see, a long time ago a member of Yamanaka Clan tried to destroy my mind… and ended up as a meal for the Kyuubi."

Mikoto chuckled at this.

"Exactly. But the entire situation made me think. Their techniques are supposed to be unbeatable, right? Then how could I do that? The reason is my jinchuriki status. You see, a jinchuriki, in order to contain demons, must have some sort of inner world to actually stuff them there. That's how I managed to survive. I lured that Yamanaka imbecile towards Kyuubi's cage and pushed him inside."

"Hmm…" Mikoto folded her hands. "But I don't have a demon inside of me."

Naruto's grin widened. "Yes, that may be true. But you won't need one."

"Huh?"

"The Yamanaka who scanned my mind died, yet his body was untouched. So how did he die? The answer is his mind died and the body followed. So what you need to do is simply kill his mind inside of your own."

"But how can I do that?" Mikoto asked.

"Ah! That is where my seal comes in! And while it doesn't 'bless' you with a demon inside of you, it perfectly imitates jinchuriki's inner world in your mind."

The woman grinned back. "I see. So I can simply fry his ass with Mangekyo and be done with it, brilliant! But what should I say when they ask me about Yamanaka's death?"

Naruto shrugged. "What can you possibly say, you were unconscious."

"Hahaha, indeed." Mikoto turned around and started to walk up the stairs. "Say, can you do something about this mess?" She pointed at the wreck in her house.

"Sure I can. Oh, and one last thing…"

"Yes?"

Naruto's grin became a malicious one. "Do refrain yourself from coming to the festival today."

**Konohagakure. Random street…**

"Guh." Sasuke stumbled once again, clutching his head.

"Hey, man!" Ryuga immediately grabbed Sasuke for support. "You said you were alright!"

"Gh! My head hurts…" Sasuke grunted.

"Is it stinging pain, or constant pain?" Sakura asked, walking over.

"I… Stinging pain."

The pink haired girl nodded. "Alright, I got it." She suddenly placed both of her hands on Sasuke's head and they started to emanate green chakra.

"Wh-What are you doing?" Ryuga asked worriedly.

"It's okay, I feel better." Sasuke said and stood up. "Thank you, Sakura."

"It's nothing." Sakura stood up and smiled at him. "I'm just glad you're okay."

"Wait, you mean that was a healing jutsu?!" Ryuga asked in shock. "Damn! Where did you learn it? I heard they only teach it to high genins or chuunins!"

Sakura's eyebrows rose. "I… I don't know. It felt so natural…"

"Natural?!" Ryuga exclaimed. "You just produced healing chakra like it was nothing!"

"I…"

"Enough!" Sasuke shouted. "Let's find Hokage-sama, she'll have to know something."

"She?!" Ryuga asked incredulously. "Since when did Hokage-sama change gender?!"

Sasuke tilted his head to the side. "Huh? What do you mean?"

"Umm… I hate to disappoint you, man. But all Hokages were men." Ryuga stated. "And if you don't believe me, just look there."

The Uchiha turned his head to where Ryuga was pointing… and his eyes widened.

"Sasuke-kun…?" Sakura asked worriedly. "Is everything alright?"

'Four heads…' Sasuke thought, ignoring everything around him. 'Four… all men… But I saw five just about…' He looked at the mountain again and… yep, still four heads. "Gh!" He clutched his head in pain once again.

"Shit!" Ryuga exclaimed. "Oi, Sakura! Do that healing again!"

"Hai!"

"No, wait!" Sasuke pushed Ryuga away and looked at the mountain one more time.

There were four heads on it. And yet a picture from Sasuke's brain was showing him the fifth one.

'Have I lost my mind…?' He asked himself, trying to separate reality from imagination. Suddenly he turned around to find himself in a completely different world. It was still Konoha, yes, but something terrible has happened to it. Sasuke couldn't spot even a single undamaged building. Some were destroyed, some were burning… most were destroyed _and_ burning.

'What happened here…?' Sasuke thought. 'Who could've done this?'

And then he got his answer.

"…_For denying me my prize you only managed to do one thing… and that is to check yourself directly into THE SMACKDOWN HOTEL!"_

Sasuke turned around sharply and his breathing stopped.

There stood Naruto… Yet it was not Naruto he remembered. This one looked older and… darker. There was also the thing about the place Naruto was standing on. For he was actually standing on the head of a massive blazing creature with a sword.

'The hell?!' Sasuke tilted his head in confusion.

Meanwhile Naruto grinned and continued. _"Oh yeah, you checked in, you checked out… but you won't checkout without a little departing gift from Naruto, which is his fist in your mouth and his foot in your ass!"_ With that, he outstretched his arm, created a fireball in it and threw it right into…

Sasuke watched the fireball sharply until it slammed right into the Hokage monument.

BLAST.

Sasuke felt like his head exploded along with the mountain. "Ah… AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" He screamed in pain, clutching his head. The pain was so bad that he couldn't even remain on his feet. The Uchiha shut his eyes tight in desperate attempt to… stop those images from flashing in his mind.

"_Foolish little brother. If you want to kill me…"_

"_I just gave Sasuke-kun a little present…"_

"_Uchiha Sasuke! You are my prey!"_

"_Fight me, Naruto!"_

"_**CHIDORI/RASENGAN!"**_

"_Finally Naruto has come back…!"_

"_We have found you guilty…"_

"_It doesn't matter what you think!"_

"_Sasuke-kun!"_

"_I KILLED YOUR CLAN!"_

"_Does that feel like hate?"_

"_Remember to do it in your next life…"_

"_NO!"_

_BANG._

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura rushed to his side once again, touched his head and… gasped.

"_This time you will watch my back."_

"_STOP IT!"_

"_Naruto, I beg you. Bring Sasuke-kun back…"_

"_Know your role and shut your mouth!"_

"_**KATSU!"**_

"_No, it certainly doesn't feel like hate…"_

"_Never ask me anything again…"_

The flashing stopped for both teens almost at the same time.

"Ah…" Sakura turned her head slowly. "S-Sasuke-k-kun? Do you…?"

"Yes…" The Uchiha nodded at her. "I remember everything."

"And so does Naruto." Sakura added.

"What do you guys remember?! And what about Naruto?"

"No time to explain." Sasuke turned to Ryuga and paused. This boy has been his friend for years… yet for some reason he felt like he just met him. He remembered perfectly that there was no boy named Ryuga among his friends before… hell, he never actually _had _friends before. 'Am I just confused, or…'

"That moment!" He suddenly exclaimed.

"What moment?" Ryuga asked.

"When Naruto lifted me up by the throat. Remember that?"

"Yes."

"He also looked genuinely surprised to see you, Ryuga... just like I am." Sakura finished.

"What?!" The brown haired boy asked. "What are you guys talking about?"

Sasuke opened his mouth to speak again, but paused. 'Wait, it's not just Ryuga! My parents are alive as well! As is my Clan! All except for… Itachi…'

"_Itachi was the closest thing to a rival if I ever had one." _Naruto's voice echoed in his head.

'The Clan is alive, but Itachi is dead… Who could reverse the events to such an extent?!'

"Sasuke-kun?"

"Wha…? Oh, sorry, I was just thinking. What were you saying?"

"I was asking if we should find Naruto…" Sakura repeated.

The Uchiha looked down.

"_Remember to do that in your next life…"_

"No, we really shouldn't." He finally said.

"But…" The girl tried to protest when Sasuke cut her off.

"You saw what happened at the academy." He said. "He might not be a demon, but he's still a jinchuriki. And right now we are in no condition to stop him. All we can do is find the Hokage and hope that he can do something before it's too late."

"Hai, let's hurry then!"

**Another part of the village… (Starting song: "Name of the game" by Crystal Method)**

"Wow, that's a shitload of ninjas running around." Naruto muttered, walking down the street. "I bet a six pack of cola they're looking for me."

"_No way I'm betting against you!" _Yamato stated. _"But still, there are about twenty thousand jabronies here. How come they are still searching for you if there are so many of them?"_

The demon rolled his eyes. 'Because these morons are searching for _Uzumaki Naruto_. The stupid kid in a hideous orange jumpsuit. I swear their lack of brain is starting to annoy me…'

Suddenly a group of civilians went past him…

"Hey daddy! Can we go look for that demon after the festival?" Some kid asked. "Older guys didn't let me hit him last year, so I thought I could finally do it today."

Naruto stopped dead in his tracks after hearing that. 'Did he say what I think he just said?'

"_You mean about beating a demon?!"_

'No, did he just say _finally_?!'

"_Uhh… I think he did."_

Naruto turned around and followed the group. That was not hard, they were only civilians after all. He quickly made his way into the middle of it and touched small boy's shoulder. Then he leaned closer and whispered in his ear.

"You want an ice-cream."

"Daddy, I want an ice-cream!" The boy exclaimed happily.

"Sure, I'll buy you one…" The man said, glancing at his son… only to gasp in shock. "YOU!"

"Wha…?" The boy stared at his father in fear as other civilians formed a circle around them.

"YOU DEMON!" The father shouted. "Where is my son?! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SON!"

"Father, I don't understand…" The boy raised his hands in defense… and noticed something different about himself.

He was dressed in an orange jumpsuit.

"No!" He screamed. "Father! It's me, Tenushi!"

"Don't you dare lie to me, you demon!" The man picked up a steel pipe. "What have you done to my son?!"

"I didn't do anything, I swear!" The boy screamed.

Big mistake.

SMACK.

"Yeah, kill that demon, Mizuhi!" The crowd cheered while the man hit the boy repeatedly with a steel pipe.

"Hmhmhmhahahaha…" Naruto chuckled quietly. 'Well if this isn't fun…' He paused. 'But you know what; it's not fun enough for me. After all, I'm a demon with standards!'

"_YEOW!"_

"What?"

"_Don't say that line! I hate it!" _Yamato shouted.

'Oh, sorry… Anyway…' Naruto smirked and became half-transparent. Slowly he walked behind some random guy's back and whispered. "Hey, your best friend is fucking your wife behind your back."

Man's eyes widened in shock. "W-What?!"

Naruto's smirk widened as he disappeared again and started whispering to random people.

"He stole your money…"

"He burned down your house…"

"She's pregnant from another man…"

"He falsified the documents to get promoted instead of you…"

"She wants to clean your bank account and run away…"

"These are not the droids you are looking for…"

Twenty seconds later there was already a huge crowd of people beating one another. No difference, everyone was hitting everyone.

"Hmhmhmhmhmhmhm!" Naruto chuckled from the shadows. "How sad, people are so easily controlled…"

"_Are you really saddened by _that_?!" _Yamato asked.

"Are you insane?! Of course not, it just makes my work that much easier!" The blond said, pushing himself off the wall. "Nice to know that I still got it. Now where is the Central Square…?"

Suddenly…

"ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?"

Naruto grinned at hearing that. "Ah, there it is…"

**Hokage tower…**

"What do you mean we haven't found him yet?!" Sandaime Hokage shouted in rage.

"I apologize, Hokage-sama." Morino Ibiki replied. "We will double our efforts."

"Damn it! How hard can it be to find one kid?!"

Enma's eyebrows rose. **"What did you just say?"**

"Uh…" Hiruzen paused. "I said how hard can it be to find one kid…?"

"**A kid?!" **The monkey elder yelled, punching a hole through the wall. **"Damn my forgetfulness!"**

"What are you talking about?" The Hokage asked.

"**I'm saying that you are looking for the wrong person! If Naruto has drained Kyuubi's power, then he probably returned to his old body." **Enma stated. **"So what we should look out for is an eighteen year old young man, dressed in all black and possibly with a pair of sunglasses on his face."**

Ibiki nodded. "Hai, I will send the word."

"Wait a moment, Ibiki." Hiruzen stopped him. "Did they cancel the festival as I instructed?"

The ANBU commander sighed. "I'm sorry, Hokage-sama. Despite all our efforts the civilian council just keeps insisting on going through with the event."

Old man's eyes narrowed. "I see. What about the security personal?"

"Hai, fifty four jounins are currently patrolling the event sector."

Sarutobi nodded. "Alright, that will do."

"**No, it won't." **Enma commented. **"Come, Sarutobi. We must go to that sector this instant."**

"Do you think he will strike there?" The old man asked.

"**I know he will…"**

**The event sector…**

"I'm gonna do it! I was waiting for this chance my entire life!" A man dressed like Yondaime Hokage exclaimed in excitement. "Playing Yondaime-sama… this is my ticket to the grand stage! I will…"

He stopped in midsentence when a hand suddenly landed on his shoulder.

"Hey, how are you doing?" A stranger asked.

"Thank you, I'm…"

"It doesn't matter how you're doing!" Naruto shouted, pointing at man's face. **"Hadou #54 Haien!"**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" The actor screamed as purple flames burned his body to a crisp in a matter of seconds.

"_Damn, what did he ever do to you?" _Yamato asked.

'Shut your mouth, he was dressed like that imbecile. That was enough for me.' Naruto responded, taking up a single piece of paper – the only thing that remained from the man he just killed. "What in the blue hell is… oh…"

"_What's the matter?"_

"Haha! Can you believe?! This moron was supposed to play my dear daddy in this year's event!" The blond exclaimed. "Check this out. I'm the great Yondaime Hokage… blah, blah, blah… I'm Konohagakure's biggest hero…"

"_He sounds like your good friend Sasuke…"_

"Shut up. Blah, blah, blah… you bad evil demon…" Naruto raised an eyebrow. "Bad evil demon?! Damn that's lame. Besides, have you ever seen a _good _demon?!"

"_Umm… Hellboy?"_

Naruto waved his hand. "Nah, that doesn't count."

"_Why the fuck not?!"_

"He's too ugly."

"_Right… Then how about Sparda?"_

Naruto's smile fell. "Son of a… Alright, you got me here. Anyway, this shit won't do at all." He crumbled the piece of paper in his hand and threw it over his shoulder. "Thankfully Uzumaki Naruto is here to save the da…" He stopped and looked over his shoulder sharply. "Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me."

"_What? What?"_

Naruto had the urge to slap his forehead. There stood Hyuga Hinata, desperately looking for something.

"_Six pack of cola she's looking for you!"_

The blond rolled his eyes and turned into his 'orange jumpsuit' version. Of course Hinata noticed him quickly and hid behind a corner, taking short glances at him.

Naruto sighed. 'Now what should I do with her? Come to think of it, there are not many things I _haven't _done to her. RKO – check. Stunner – check… Shit, I even mind-raped her! Now what is left? Is there… yes, of course!'

"_What are you going to do?" _Yamato asked.

The demon grinned evilly. 'I'm gonna give that girl what she always wanted.' He thought, blurring out of view.

Hinata came out of the corner completely. "Naruto-kun disappeared…"

"Hello, Hinata." Suddenly came from behind.

"KYAAA!" The girl jumped in surprise and backed away until her back hit the wall. "N-Naruto-kun?"

"Yes. I've been looking for you, Hinata." He said, slowly walking towards her with a confident smile on his face.

Hinata's heart skipped a beat. "You've been looking… for me?"

"Indeed." Naruto nodded, leaning close and placing his right hand on the wall near Hinata's head. "I wanted to tell you something… Actually, I wanted to say this for a while."

"W-Wh-What…?"

"Hinata, I love you."

The girl stopped breathing. 'Naruto-kun… He… He just… He just confessed that he…'

Naruto meanwhile bit hard on his lip. 'Don't laugh. Don't laugh! DON'T LAUGH! Damn, I can't hold it! Yamato, electrocute me!'

"_Kh… Kh… KHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" _The demon blade laughed. _"That expression on her face! OH MY GOD! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!"_

'SHUT UP!' Naruto shouted in his head. "Hinata, I must know if you feel the same. I…"

"Of course I do!" She yelled in Naruto's face, startling him a little. "I had feelings for you since we started the academy!"

"Oh, that's good." Naruto smiled brightly. "Because you see, I've been holding my feelings back for a while and they need a… a release." He then took her waist and turned her around. "Yeah, a release will do just fine."

Hinata's eyes widened. "W-What are you doing, Naruto-kun?" She asked in slight fear.

"Oh Hinata! Nothing can stop my burning love and passion for you now!" Naruto exclaimed, pulling Hinata's pants down. "I need to become one with you as soon as possible!"

"Wha…?" She stuttered. "But I… We can't…! It shouldn't be like this!"

"I'm sorry, my love, but I can't wait anymore!" The blond stated, undoing his belt. "Now let us spread flames of youth! Pffffft! HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!" He laughed hard, slapping his face several times. "Shit, I couldn't hold myself any longer. Sorry, girl, but… the hell?!"

"_What?"_

Hinata was currently lying on her face… with her naked ass facing the sky.

"She fainted…" Naruto concluded. "Damn, that girl is completely unfuckable. And she wanted to marry me! Imagine how that would go…"

_**Naruto's daydream. A night from Naruto and Hinata's married life…**_

"_Hinata, darling, let's do this." Naruto whispered, smiling kindly._

"_Hai, Naruto-kun, I'm ready."_

_They both leaned in for a kiss and then… Hinata fell on her back, losing consciousness._

"_Motherfucking shit! Three hundred and thirty eight nights in a row! Why in the blue hell did I ever marry that useless bitch?!"_

_**Back to the real world…**_

"_Indeed, what could possibly make you do that?" _Yamato asked.

"I wonder…"

_**Back in the dream world…**_

"_So, are you finally going to admit defeat?" Hanabi asked, standing in the doorframe. "Or you need a _whole_ year for that?"_

_Naruto sighed. "Nah, you were right, she's completely unfuckable."_

_Hanabi smirked. "Took you long enough. Now come on, I've prepared your favorite in jakuzzi."_

"_Hell yeah!" The blond grinned, standing up. "At least one good thing I got from this useless marriage!"_

_**Back in the real world…**_

"_Shit, only you could do something like that." _Yamato commented.

Surprisingly Naruto said nothing.

"_Hey, something's wrong?"_

Naruto sighed. "Hanabi… I liked that girl, you know. She had personality… and attitude."

"_Yeah, I kind of liked her as well. What's your point?"_

The demon rolled his eyes. "Don't you get it? She was a simple human at this point in time. So she's probably lost to me forever… A really sad thought."

"_Yeah, well… When you're sad, just kill some people to get in the mood!" _The demon blade suggested. _"Works all the time!"_

Naruto smirked. "Yeah, I guess you're right…"

Suddenly…

"I AM THE GREAT KYUUBI! AND I HAVE COME TO CRUSH AND DESTROY THIS VILLAGE! BWAHAHAHAHA!"

"…And I even know where to start." He said as his smirk widened. "It's time to play the game…" The demon muttered, disappearing in a flash of… yellow.

**With Sasuke and Sakura…**

"Come on, the Hokage tower is nearby!" Sasuke and his friends rushed to a high building when…

"FINALLY, THE GREAT ONE HAS COME BACK TO KONOHA!"

Sakura and Sasuke stopped dead in their tracks.

"W-What?" Ryuga asked, stopping as well. "What happened?"

"Naruto…" Sasuke muttered, narrowing his eyes.

"Naruto? Where?" Ryuga asked, looking around. "I don't see…"

"Be quiet, please!" Sasuke interrupted, hesitating about what to do next.

"Sasuke-kun…" Sakura began. "You said it yourself; we are not ready for him yet."

The Uchiha gritted his teeth in anger. "I know that, dammit! But I just can't stand and do nothing while Naruto…" Sasuke's eyes widened in fear.

"What's wrong?" Sakura asked immediately.

"Don't you realize it? It was a dynamic enhanced voice!" Sasuke stated. "And today is the festival. Can you guess what's going to happen?!"

Sakura gasped, covering her mouth with her hands. "He's going to kill the attendants! We can't let this happen!"

"Exactly." Sasuke nodded. "Come on!"

"Hey, wait!" Ryuga shouted, rushing after his friends. "There should be guards! Let them handle it!"

"They don't know it's him." Sasuke spat through gritted teeth. "They don't know what he can do."

"Dammit! At least say where we are going!"

"Ryuga, I…" Sakura hesitated. "I really think you should go home now."

"What?!" The boy in question shouted. "If you think for one second that I will leave my friend to deal with… whatever it is he's gonna deal with alone, then you are sadly…"

"She's right." Sasuke suddenly said. "You are not ready for this."

"Ready for what?"

Sasuke and Sakura fell silent for some moments. Then Sasuke finally spoke.

"I won't lie to you, Ryuga. If you'll come with us, you will probably see so much death that you will never be the same again."

"I…" The brown haired boy paused. "I'm going." He said confidently.

Sasuke nodded. "Alright then. Let's move up." He said, jumping onto the roof, quickly followed by others. "There he is."

"Yes, I see him." Sakura confirmed.

"What? Where is he?" Ryuga asked, scanning the crowd.

"You are looking the wrong way." Sakura stated. "He's right there on the stage."

Ryuga's eyebrows rose. "Wha…? But how do you know?"

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "Because he said that damn line…"

**Meanwhile on the stage…**

"FINALLY, THE GREAT ONE HAS COME BACK TO KONOHA!" Naruto shouted, appearing in a flash of yellow dressed like the Fourth Hokage.

The crowd responded with a loud cheer.

"Yondaime-sama!"

"Please help us!"

"Kill the demon!"

The blond grinned at this. 'Look at these people, they love me!'

"_I bet they won't love you for long." _Yamato commented.

Naruto's grin turned into a malicious one. 'Oh, indeed.' He thought, turning to 'the Kyuubi'. "How dare you, little jabroni?! How dare you to come into Minato's village, the _people's_ village, Konoha, and run your mouth about how you're the great demon and how you're gonna kick all our asses?! Did you actually think that Minato is just going let that go?! Did you for one second think that Minato is gonna let it slide, is that what you think?!"

Of course 'the Kyuubi' looked startled. "I-I…"

"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!" 'Minato' shouted right into 'Kyuubi's' face. "The fact of the matter is this, jabroni. By coming here into the people's village, you managed to do one thing only… and that is to check your red furry ass right into the SMACKDOWN HOTEL!"

"CHEER!"

"Do you people want to see Yondaime Hokage beat the shit out of this piece of trash?!" Minato asked, pointing at 'the Kyuubi'.

"YES!"

"Then let me put it like this! If you wanna see Yondaime kicking the shit out of Kyuubi, give me a hell yeah!"

"HELL YEAH!"

"WHAT?"

"HELL YEAH!"

"WHAT?"

"HELL YEAH!"

"B-But that was not in the script…" 'The Kyuubi' stuttered.

'Minato' turned to him in irritation. "Seeing as Yondaime was not done speaking you should KNOW YOUR ROLE AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"

'The Kyuubi' started to back down. "W-Wait, what are you doing?"

Back on one of the rooftops Ryuga looked at his friends in confusion.

"Umm… Guys? If you wanted to _stop Naruto_ that badly, then why are we watching this damn show?"

"Quiet." Sasuke hushed him. "I know exactly when to strike."

"How are we going to do this?" Sakura asked.

"I'll try to sneak in and use a Chidori on him." The Uchiha stated. "You try to provide a backup if necessary."

"H-Hai, but…" She paused. "Wait, at this point in time your body was not yet ready for…"

"I know!" Sasuke interrupted again. "I know… but there is nothing else I can do right now."

Ryuga stared at Sasuke, wondering. 'What the hell is he talking about? Chidori? What Chidori?! And what about time?! Damn, my head is gonna expode!'

Suddenly…

"NOW!" Sasuke exclaimed and rushed down, rapidly forming handseals…

Back on the stage 'Minato' raised 'the Kyuubi' by the throat.

"Well, according to Minato's Rolex it's time to wrap this shit up, so let me give you a little parting gift. Ahem… here goes…

The Great Kyuubi wants to be bad,  
But he got his ass whooped instead.  
So say good night and prepare for the crooking  
IF YOU SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLALALALALALAAAAAAW WHAT MINATO IS…!"

"**Chidori!"**

SLASH.

"Wha…" 'Minato' looked down on his pierced chest. "The hell?"

The crowd gasped.

'Minato' looked over his shoulder. "Uke-chan?! Damn, you just had to ruin one of my favorite catchphrases!"

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "You're not dead. That means you have already drained Kyuubi's power… Naruto."

Naruto smirked. "Oh? And you never knew Chidori at this point, which means you have regained your memory, what a shame…" He then clenched his left fist tighter, breaking actor's neck, and then he threw the already dead body away.

"Tch." Sasuke quickly withdrew his hand and jumped away, creating some distance. "What were you going to do to these people?"

"Hmhmhmhahahaha!" The blond laughed, threw the microphone away and pointed his right hand at the crowd. "What people?!"

Sasuke's eyes widened when a red orb appeared on his nemesis's hand. "NO! RUN AWAY! QUICK!" He tried to shout but civilians just looked dumbfound until…

"**Cero!"**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Humans screamed as their bodies were immolated by a large beam of red energy.

"Damn you!" The Uchiha shouted, trying to run forward and grab Naruto's right hand… but got caught by the throat instead.

"Got ya!" Naruto exclaimed happily, cancelling his technique. "Let's see you try to escape out of this one, Uke-chan!" He outstretched his right hand and was about to ram it right through Sasuke's chest when…

Sakura suddenly blurred into view right in front of him.

"What the…?" The blond could only mutter before receiving a crushing kick to the ribs.

"SHANNARO!" Sakura shouted, launching Naruto high into the sky. "Now, Sasuke-kun!"

"Got it!" The Uchiha quickly recovered and jumped after Naruto. **"Shishi Rendan!"**

CRASH.

Naruto's body landed on some building, crushing it in the process.

"Holy shit!" Ryuga exclaimed rushing up to Sasuke and Sakura. "You guys were incredible! No way he survived this!"

Both teens turned to him with 'are you an idiot' look.

"No, he's not done by a long shot." Sasuke stated, turning back to the place where Naruto had landed.

"Ho, such praise!" Said blond exclaimed, getting out from the rubble. He was no longer taking Yondaime's look and now looked like Sasuke and Sakura remembered.

Ryuga's eyes widened. "Naruto?! What the hell has happened to you?!"

The demon tilted his head in confusion. "I probably asked already, but who in the blue hell are you?"

"What, are you high, man?! It's me, Ryuga, your frie…"

"He doesn't know you, Ryuga." Sakura interrupted. "This is not Naruto you remember."

"What do you mean? Is there another Naruto? And what is…"

"Enough!" Naruto shouted, with smile fading from his face. "I've had just about enough with you two pieces of trash ruining my fun all the time. But it seems like you have forgotten one small detail… Back then you both were nothing but insects to me. And now…" He quickly teleported between the three teens, kicking both Sasuke and Ryuga and backhanding Sakura across the face.

"Gah!" Three academy students gasped as they were sent flying.

"Now you're not even fun to mess around with. Such a shame…" The smirk returned to Naruto's face. "But since you were so annoying in the past… the future… whatever. Anyway, since you annoyed me so much I can't just let such an opportunity pass by." He created a fireball in his hand. "I'm gonna miss you, guys…"

Sasuke got to one knee and glared at Naruto in defiance.

"Oh, scary." The blond mocked. "Well, farewell, Uke-chan." He was about to throw the fireball when suddenly ninjas started to appear around him in puffs of smoke. In a matter of seconds he got completely surrounded.

"Ho? Looks like the cavalry has arrived!"

"NARUTO!"

The smirk fell once more. Naruto knew this voice all too well.

"Now what have we here?" He turned around slowly. "The biggest piece of Konoha's trailer park trash walking god's green Earth!"

**...**

**Well, that's it for the chapter. However, since you liked it so much last time…**

**Here Darthemius presents to you…**

**THE NARUTO VERSUS OMAKES!**

**...**

**Omake: Naruto versus Son Goku…**

**...**

**Some rooftop…**

Darthemius: And then she crawled right out of TV! Can you believe it?

Naruto: No shit?!

Darthemius: Yeah… I'm telling you, man. Smurfs are evil!

Naruto: You damn right! If this is their idea of good time…

Darthemius's cell phone: I have voices in my head…

Darthemius (Picking up): Let me guess, I will die in seven days?

Another unknown voice: No, I believe it will be much sooner.

Darthemius (Rolling his eyes): Okay, what's your deal then?

Unknown voice: It's a game. There are twelve rounds. You win more than you lose, and I will turn myself in. You lose… and something will happen to your girlfriend.

Darthemius: Which one?

Unknown voice: Her name is Diana I believe…

Darthemius: Pfffffffffft! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

Naruto: What? What?!

Darthemius: Some guy says that if I don't play his game, then he will kill Diana!

Naruto: KHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Unknown voice: You think it's funny?!

Naruto and Darthemius: YES! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

Unknown voice: So you refuse to play then?

Darthemius: Got that right. Go kill that bitch.

Unknown voice: So be it.

(Sound of a door being kicked open)

Diana's voice in the phone: Who the fuck are you?

Unknown voice: Your boyfriend refused to comply. Sorry it has to be this way…

BANG.

Diana's voice in the phone: …Are you fucking stupid or fucking what?

Unknown voice: W-What?! Impossible.

BANG. BANG. BANG.

Diana's voice in the phone: Okay, I hope you wrote your will.

SMACK. SMACK. SMACK.

Darthemius (Moving the cell phone away from his ear and flinching): Ouch…

Naruto: Hang it, man. I can't even hear it.

Darthemius: Well, it actually sounds kind of fun…

Unknown voice: Please, just let me die…

Diana: Not so fast, buddy! You haven't even met my sword yet!

SLASH.

Darthemius (Hanging the phone): I take it back…

Naruto: Man, this woman is evil… More evil than I am! Than we are! Than telletubies!

Darthemius: What?

Naruto: Okay, maybe not telletubies. But she's evil.

Darthemius: Yeah, and it was us who made her that way.

Naruto: Yeah… Well anyway, I don't see the target coming back… Who were we supposed to kill anyway?

Darthemius: Vinny the Pooh…

Naruto: …

Darthemius: Don't look at me like that! You know we need money.

Naruto: We're not _that_ desperate…

Darthemius: Well, it's Diana's birthday soon…

Naruto: Shit… Okay, I don't blame you then. But, no target, no job. Let's go home.

Darthemius: Alright.

Suddenly…

?: Hey there. You look strong, let's fight!

Naruto (Turning around): Huh? Who in the blue hell are you?

?: I am Son Goku. And I… AM A SUPER SAYAN!

Naruto and Darthemius: …

Goku: What?

Naruto: Let me put it like this, man… What in the blue hell is a super saiyan?!

Goku: Oh, you're going to love this. Trust me. What you see now is my normal state.

WHAM.

Goku: This is a super saiyan. This…

WHAM.

Goku: This is known as a super saiyan that ascended past a super saiyan. Or, you can just call it a super saiyan two.

Naruto: Hey Darth, why don't I have a cool transformation like this?

Darthemius: Duh, man. You do.

Naruto: But my hair doesn't change…

Darthemius: Oh, stuff it…

Goku: And this… is to go even further beyond! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Naruto: Huh?

Darthemius: Hmm?

Goku: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Darthemius: Aaaaaaaa…

Naruto: Well, at least he can fit as a light bulb… (Taking out his gun) Maybe I should just blow his brains up and…

Darthemius: Oh, wait-wait-wait! I want to see what's gonna happen!

Naruto: Really? And how long are we going to wait?

Darthemius: Well…

**One hour later…**

Goku: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Naruto: I spy something… loud and shining.

Darthemius: That screaming idiot.

Naruto: That ain't fair, man. I can't see anything else because of him.

Darthemius: Not my problem…

Goku: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

**Two hours later…**

Goku: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Darthemius: Suck on this! Flush!

Naruto: Suck yourself, full house.

Darthemius: Fucking shit!

Goku: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

**Five hours later…**

Goku: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Naruto: Puff… Nice shit. Where did you get it…?

Darthemius: Puff… Wesker… He knows… how to make some good… puff… shit…

Naruto: Puff… Damn right…

Goku: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

**Eight hours later…**

Goku: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Naruto: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

Darthemius:Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

Goku: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

**Ten hours later…**

Goku: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Pilot: Base command, this is Eagle 1-oh-1 approaching unknown flying object. Over.

Base command: Eagle, do you have a visual on the target? Over.

Pilot: I have the visual. I repeat, have the visual. This is some… guy?

Base command: What do you mean?

Pilot: Some blond man is floating in the air, sir. Looks like he emits a huge amount of energy.

Base command: Is he doing anything else?

Pilot: He's screaming and crouching… If not for his energy output I would've thought he just have some serious stomach problems.

Base command: Maybe it _is _the reason. Anyway, we have our orders. Shoot it down, Eagle.

Pilot: Affirmative. Missile launched…

**Twelve hours later…**

Darthemius: Owww shit… Remind me not to take stuff from Wesker again…

Naruto: I will man… oh fuck, my head…

Darthemius: Sht, I can't walk, man… Can you teleport us home, man?

Naruto: I'll try… Wait… What were we doing here anyway?

Darthemius: I can barely remember my name, pal. Don't ask useless questions.

Naruto: Okay, man… Let's hope we won't end in Timbuktu…

KO! Winner: Uzumaki Naruto.

**Somewhere in Tibet…**

Darthemius: Shit, man… How am I gonna explain this to Diana…?

Naruto: Look on the brighter side… At least it's not Timbuktu…

**...**

**And that is it. Be sure to send me some cola, and of course don't forget to…**

**FUCK LIKE HELL AND SLEEP WELL!**

**Darthemius.**


	4. A youthful revelation

**DARTHEMIUS AN.**

**Darthemius: Hello, guys, how's it been? Yeah, that's me. I'm still alive… partially. And yes, it's been a while since I had an update of my story. Sigh… You know, I don't know what it is, but… I don't really feel like writing lately. It just doesn't have the same thrill anymore… Or maybe it's because of the lack of reviews I was receiving lately. Have you guys ever noticed that I never ask for a review? I never add "PLEASE READ AND REVIEW" at the end of each chapter like most people do. But still, the current lack of those made me doubt my skills as a writer. Tell me, have I lost my edge already? Or is it just the lack of updates? It's just… I'm writing for you, guys, not for myself. I like to entertain and make people laugh. But yeah… You know, the first chapter of this story got about 150 reviews. And two others barely got the same amount together. No, I'm not complaining. It's just… making me wonder…**

**Harry Potter (Barging into the room): YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME!**

**Darthemius: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! What the fuck, man?!**

**Harry Potter: I've got a problem and I need serious help!**

**Darthemius (Rolling his eyes): Do I look like a fucking therapist to you?**

**Harry Potter: Please, I'm begging you! I have nowhere else to go!**

**Darthemius (Taking a deep breath): Fine, fine… So, what's your problem?**

**Harry Potter: What's my problem?! The whole fucking world is my problem!**

**Darthemius: Umm… Can you be a little more specific?**

**Harry Potter: Specific?! Okay, why not. Let's see, where should I start… How about the fact that I'm already 32, and people are **_**still **_**calling me the **_**boy**_** who lived?!**

**Darthemius (Raising an eyebrow): For real?**

**Harry Potter: For real. Now check it out. **_**I**_** am the one who killed the Dark Lord, **_**I**_** am the one who ended the war, **_**I**_** am the one who saved everyone…**

**Darthemius: Everyone, huh…**

**Harry Potter: Okay, almost everyone. And **_**yet**_**! My so-called best friend got the girl, so I had to settle for his sister! Some asshole took the minister's seat, so I had to settle for a policeman's job. And not even the chief of it either! And then that red haired bitch got knocked up, so there was no way out… And I don't even remember sleeping with her before the wedding! And she has red hair! I fucking hate red hair! And…!**

**Darthemius: Whoa there, man. As sad as this sounds, what do you suppose I do about it?**

**Harry Potter (Cheerfully): I have a great idea! I have found the source of all my problems!**

**Darthemius: And that is?**

**Harry Potter: Ever heard the name Rowling?**

**Darthemius: Rowling? Hmm… You mean like Rowling Stones?**

**Harry Potter: No, I mean Joan Rowling! The bitch who wrote that crap called Harry Potter!**

**Darthemius: You do realize that you just referred to yourself as crap…**

**Harry Potter: You damn right I do. Seven books of said crap. But quite frankly, I think that they all should be combined into one and called "Harry Potter and the greatest fuck up".**

**Darthemius: That won't be a children's book then.**

**Harry Potter: It never was! Look, man, what you would've done if you've been told back in the middle school that there is some mass murdering psychopath who's tough as shit and nuts as balls? Oh, and they would also add that it's you or him. What would you do?**

**Darthemius: I would've probably shit myself and start pitying girls into having sex with me.**

**Harry Potter: I did just that… Though it wasn't in the context…**

**Darthemius: So what do you want from me?**

**Harry Potter: I WANT TO BE COOL DAMMIT! I'm tired of being the boy who lived! I want to be a badass! To be a selfish asshole and enjoy every second of it!**

**Darthemius: Oooookay… Let's see what I can do. Hey, Naruto!**

**Naruto (From another room): A bit busy now, Darth!**

**Darthemius: I said get your sorry ass over here!**

**Naruto (Entering the room and pulling up his zipper): Be quick man, Trish just came over. And she's very anxious.**

**Darthemius: Trish? Shit, okay… See this guy?**

**Naruto (Looking at Harry Potter): What about him?**

**Darthemius: Check it out, we're gonna turn him into… well, you.**

**Naruto: Don't make me laugh. There is no way I will do something like…**

**Darthemius: I'll get Jean off your back for a month.**

**Naruto (With stars in his eyes): …THIS I will certainly do! (Taking Harry Potter by the elbow and leading him out of the room) Wanna meet a hot girl?**

**Harry Potter: Does she have red hair?**

**Naruto: Nah, she's blond.**

**Harry Potter: Absolutely! (Leaving the room)**

**Darthemius (Rubbing his face): Well, that's that. Now what to name it… Hmm, how about the "Asshole who fucked"… Nah, then the only 'unbeeped' word will be who. How about… "SOB-who-lived"? Yeah, that actually works! Turn a shunned quiet boy into a badass motherfucker… Now that's gonna be a challenge. I'd better call Wesker…**

**...**

**Chapter four: A youthful revelation.**

"Hell yeah!" – talks.

'Art is a blast!' – thoughts.

"_Know your role!" _– demon blades.

"**Katsu!"**– demonic/jutsu.

**...**

**Konohagakure no sato. Naruto's location…**

"Now what have we here?" The demon turned around slowly. "The biggest piece of Konoha's trailer park trash walking god's green Earth!"

"_Wasn't that Itachi?"_ Yamato asked.

'Nah, that one's already dead, so the place is vacant.' Naruto replied. "I'm surprised that you're daring to show your wrinkled ass in front of me, old man."

"What have you done to yourself, Naruto?" Sandaime Hokage exclaimed, returning the glare full force.

The demon raised an eyebrow at this. "What have I done to myself? Man, that's a good question!" He stated, adjusting his sunglasses. "Okay, let's try to sum it up. Umm… I drained Kyuubi's power, I became almost impossible to kill, I advanced from being a mortal, but more importantly…" Naruto's smile went to his ears. "I did the exact same thing you would've done in my place."

"Nonsense!" Sarutobi shouted in response. "I always had Konoha's best interests in mind! You don't know…!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Naruto's laugh pierced heavens. "Konoha's best interests you say?! Was that in Konoha's best interests when you told Orochimaru to conduct those experiments on good Konoha people the two of you has kidnapped?"

Multiple gasps were heard around the area.

Sasuke looked at the Hokage with wide eyes. 'He did what?!'

"What is he talking about, Hokage-sama?" Kakashi asked cautiously.

"Gh." Hiruzen gritted his teeth. "How…"

"Do I know that?" Naruto finished for him. "Ah, that's another interesting question! I guess you can thank your buddy you're holding in your hand right now."

Sarutobi looked at his boken staff. "Enma?"

"Forgive me, Sarutobi…"

"Why?"

"Oh, don't blame him." Naruto said, running a hand through his hair. "It wasn't in his power to stop me from draining his soul. In fact, I was just as surprised as all these poor pieces of shit around us when I found out. But then it started to make sense. But Orochimaru…" He shook his head. "The more I find out about the jabroni, the more disappointed I become. I mean, create the immortality technique? Sure, an admirable task… But doing that to save your sensei from dying? Aww… That's just so sweet that it makes me want to puke!"

"**Do not listen to him!" **Enma shouted, returning to his original form. **"He is a master manipulator that can make even a god doubt himself!"**

"Why, thank you." Naruto said with a beaming smile.

Surprisingly that indeed eased the tension.

"Okay…" Sarutobi said, glaring at Naruto. "I want him taken down. Alive if possible."

"Hai!"

"**Wait, Sarutobi!" **Enma raised his hands in defense. **"Do not attack him."**

The old man turned to his summon in confusion. "Enma?"

"**Uzumaki Naruto…" **The monkey elder continued. **"The Clans are begging you to reconsider your actions."**

"What?!" The Hokage exclaimed with wide eyes. "Why would the Clans beg him for anything?!"

"**Shut up, Sarutobi." **Enma responded, multiplying Hokage's shock.

"Hahahaha!" Naruto laughed again. "That was a good one. But here is a question… Why would I reconsider anything? Better yet, what should I reconsider?"

Enma's eyes narrowed. **"Everything. I believe that you have realized by now that the time was reversed. And I also believe that you are the sole reason for that."**

"Good guess." The demon said with a smirk. "You're not as dumb as you look."

"**Perhaps… Because I also believe that there are things you have lost because of that."**

Naruto's smile fell. "I take it back, you're as dumb as everyone around here."

"**Wait, Uzumaki!" **The Elder raised his hands once again. **"Things you've lost, you can obtain them once more. But you don't have to do it the way you did before."**

Naruto raised an eyebrow. "What are you trying to say?"

Enma gulped and took a slight pause. **"The Clans will agree to every condition you have."**

Hiruzen's eyes widened. "Y-You can't mean that!"

"**I told you to shut it, Sarutobi!"**

"Sasuke-kun…" Sakura whispered quietly. "Is he trying to…?"

"Yes…" The Uchiha replied, gritting his teeth. "They're trying to prevent their own destruction by Naruto's hand."

"Do you think he'll agree?" The girl asked.

Sasuke noticed Naruto's expression. "I really doubt it. But that's not what bothers me. They just went and agreed to become his puppets. I think we'll need another ally this time…"

"My, what an interesting offer!" Naruto replied. "But you know what, about two hours ago I almost died… Nah, that's not right. About two hours ago I was _ready_ to die. I was prepared for it and I had no regrets. Yeah, I admit it. For the first time in my life I was ready to submit… But there was one thing that kept me from it. The thing that I strive for. The only thing that I need to keep me going! Do you know what that is?"

**(Starting song: "Battery" by Metallica)**

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. 'I know.' He quickly grabbed Sakura and jumped away. "Move!"

"The desire to see all of you dead at my feet once again!" Naruto finished, raising his hand. **"Hadou #54 Haien!"**

"**NO!" **The only thing Enma could say before his body was turned to ash by a wave of purple flame.

"Enma!" Sarutobi shouted and turned to Naruto in anger. "KILL HIM!"

"HAI!"

"_Yes, waste them!" _Yamato exclaimed.

Naruto grinned evilly. 'That was my plan.' He responded, summoning his demon blade in his hand. **"Rapid Slash!"**

Hiruzen could only watch in awe and shock how Naruto blurred past several of his subordinates and gasp when said subordinates fell in several pieces.

"W-What was that?" He whispered, jumping away to create some distance.

"No, wait…!" Sakura tried to shout, but Sasuke grabbed her hand.

"Stop, they won't listen to you." He stated.

"But…!"

"We can do nothing right now, Sakura." The Uchiha said, standing up. "I saw the Hokage jumping away. We need to find him, while others provide the distraction, and try to explain the situation."

"I… I think you're right. Let's go."

Meanwhile…

"**Blood Fest!" **Naruto shouted, jumping high in the air and doing a double swing with his sword, creating a cross on the ground.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" People screamed in horror and despair when the ground under them disappeared, allowing them to fall straight to hell.

"This is what I'm talking about!" Naruto said… just as several shinobi appeared in midair in front of him.

"Uzumaki Naruto! Today you…!"

"**Oblivion." **Naruto said, disappearing from view and reappearing already behind them. "You wanted to say die?" He mocked, sheathing his sword with a click.

"GUAH!" Ninjas gasped as blood erupted from various points of their bodies.

"_Hey, I don't remember you using this technique before!" _Yamato stated.

The demon shrugged. "I decided to show some creativity." He said, landing gracefully.

"DIE, DEMON!" Someone screamed from behind.

Naruto only shook his head and pointed his hand over his shoulder. **"Hadou #90 Kurohitsugi."**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

"Say, didn't I forget about something?" The blond asked.

"_Umm… Uke-chan?"_

Naruto's eyebrows rose in realization. "Exactly! Now where is that jabroni?"

**With Sandaime Hokage…**

"What the… What the HELL?!" Sandaime yelled, trying to assess the situation from a distance. "This is not possible! How can he kill my men so easily?!"

"Because he is not a human. I thought you got that already."

"Wha…" Hiruzen turned around sharply. "Uchiha Sasuke? And Haruno Sakura? What are you doing here? This is not a place for children to be in! Leave right now!"

"No, please listen to us, Hokage-sama." Sakura replied. "We know better than anyone what he's capable of."

Hokage's eyes narrowed. "And why is that?"

Sasuke took a deep breath. "I… I know that might sound crazy, but if you want for Konoha to see the end of this day, you must believe us." He held a pause. "Me and Sakura… We are from the future."

Hiruzen tilted his head. "And you're actually expecting me to believe it?"

"Please listen, Hokage-sama!" Sakura pleaded. "We are not the only ones who are from the future, Naruto is too!"

"Yes, and unlike us he still has some of his powers."

"Some of them?!" Sarutobi shouted, glancing over his shoulder to see Naruto swiftly eliminate more and more of his subordinates. "You mean that's not his full strength?!"

"It is right now." Sasuke stated. "But soon he will become much stronger."

"Tch. Fine, tell me how to stop him."

Sakura frowned at this. "You can't…"

"What do you mean I can't?!" Hiruzen shouted.

"Physical damage won't work on him." Sasuke explained. "We'll need special weapons or powers to kill a demon lord. And we don't have any right now."

"Tell me how he was defeated in the future."

"He… He wasn't." The pink haired girl stated. "We have lost, Hokage-sama. Naruto killed everyone…"

"Wait, not everyone! And not in this state!" Sasuke said in realization. "I think I've just got an idea… Even two! Let's try the second one first. How many summoners do you have, Hokage-sama?"

Hiruzen paused. "I know that both Kakashi and Gai can summon. Jiraiya is not here and… and I guess I also can summon. Why are you asking?"

"Okay, I need you to summon some higher up right now."

"I…" Sandaime glanced over his shoulder once again. "Very well.**Kuchiose no jutsu!**"

PUFF.

"**Sarutobi-sama? What is your bidding?" **A human size monkey asked, appearing in a puff of smoke.

"Engeki, I need you to listen to this young man here." Hiruzen said, pointing at Sasuke.

"Okay, Engeki right?" Sasuke asked.

"**Yes."**

"Good. Now look there and tell me what you see."

Engeki turned around and almost had a heart attack. "Th-That's…!"

"Yes… Uzumaki Naruto."

"**Do not say his name!" **Engeki shouted, trying to calm himself. **"What is required of me?"**

"Is the Clan Coalition already gathered?" The Uchiha asked.

Monkey's eyes widened. **"How do you…?"**

"Doesn't matter!" Sasuke interrupted roughly. "Go and tell them that we need several Grand Elders now!"

"**I…" **Engeki looked at Naruto's carnage again. **"Alright, I will relay the message. But I believe it will require some time for them to come here."**

"I understand." Sasuke nodded. "Then provide us with Major summons until they arrive. And I guess you should know…" Sasuke glared at Engeki. "Naruto respectfully declined your generous offer by immolating Enma."

Engeki's eyes widened. **"I… I will tell them right away!" **He said, disappearing in a puff of smoke.

"Okay, now what?" Sandaime asked.

Sasuke looked at him. "That was just a precaution." He stated. "And though I would appreciate the help, I won't place my hopes in them. Let's try plan A first."

"What plan?"

"I need you to tell me where Yuhi Kurenai is." The Uchiha stated.

"Kurenai? What can a chuunin possibly do?" Sandaime asked.

"No, Sasuke-kun is right. At the moment she is probably the only one who can stop Naruto." Sakura confirmed.

"But how?" Hiruzen asked. "Look there! Even my ANBU, the elites, are being crushed by him!"

"She will not fight him." Sasuke stated.

"…What?"

The Uchiha sighed. "There are… things that Naruto won't like to lose…"

**With Naruto…**

"**Judgement Cut!"**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Several shinobi screamed as they were clearly cut in half.

"Keep your distance!" Kakashi commanded. "Don't let him get close! Attack with wide area ninjutsu!"

"There you are!" Naruto replied, firing a Cero at Kakashi's location.

"Shit!" The one-eyed ninja cursed, jumping out of beam's way…

…Only for Naruto to appear in front of him in a flash of black.

"Got ya! **Infernal Divi…"**

"**Dinamicu Entori!"**

SMACK.

"Woah!" Naruto twisted in midair and landed on one knee after being hardly kicked in the side. "Ouch, that was painful…"

"Are you alright, Kakashi?"

"Somewhat…" The copy ninja replied, standing up slowly. "Thanks, I owe you Gai."

"Nonsense, my rival!" The green beast exclaimed. "It is my duty as a rival to come for help in a moment of need because youth is…"

"Gai." Naruto called, drawing jounin's attention. "Know your damn role and shut your mouth. I was sick and tired of listening to your youth crap back then, and I sure as hell am not going to start liking them now."

Gai's eyebrows furrowed. "Is that really you, Naruto?"

"No, I'm Sailor Moon! The girl who fights evil!" Naruto stated. "And I have a set of balls to prove it!"

Gai only narrowed his eyes in response.

"Now since we're done with stupid questions…" Naruto continued. "There are some things I would like to tell you."

Suddenly…

"Die, Uzumaki!" Some shinobi screamed, jumping at Naruto from behind…

BANG.

…Only to fall down with a hole in his forehead.

"Didn't your mother teach you that it is rude to interrupt a conversation?" The demon asked, with a smoking gun in his right hand.

"Everyone stand down." Gai commanded. "Do not attack him."

"Gai?" Kakashi asked. "What are you…?"

"Don't you see, Kakashi?" The green clad jounin replied. "He's strong… too strong. All of you can do nothing to stop him."

"Hmhmhmhmhm…" Naruto chuckled at that. "You're sounding like you can."

"Maybe I am." Gai said.

"Maybe you are." Naruto nodded. "But let me tell you this first, this has already happened."

"What?" Gai asked, slightly confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Our fight, it has already happened in the future." The blond stated. "And you have failed."

"Hm." Gai took a battle stance. "Even if it's true, that doesn't mean I will give up and do nothing."

"Ah, that's what I always admired about you. The will to fight even against impossible odds." Naruto stated. "Let me tell you one more thing then. I killed you back then…"

"And why are you telling me this?"

"Because I regret doing it." The demon said calmly. "Let me be honest with you, Gai. You're the only man from this garbage dump people call a village, who ever had my respect. But you denied my friendship when I offered it and stood up against me. You left me with no choice. Don't do the same mistake."

Gai held a pause. "What unyouthful thing to say…"

"Come on now, stop this shit." Naruto shook his head. "I know the reason for your 'youth' crap. And I approve. I would've done the same in your place. And that's the man I want on my side." He extended his hand. "Join me, Gai. You have no idea what's going on. Let me… enlighten you. Hahahaha… as ridiculous as that sounds."

"…The man you're looking for is gone." Gai responded. "I will not do the same mistake again."

Naruto lowered his hand slowly. "You just did… Sigh, very well then. Do your Celestial Release."

"What is he talking about, Gai?" Kakashi asked.

"Nothing…"

"I said enough!" Naruto shouted. "Last time I killed you without even allowing you to do this. But you know, that kind of made me regret your death even more. After all, I didn't defeat you, I simply killed you. And that's not good enough for me." His grin returned. "So since you refused to become my ally once again, I want to crush you at your fullest."

"Is that what you really want?" Gai asked.

At this Naruto simply extended his hand once again… then turned it over and motioned for Gai to come.

"Just bring it!"

"Tch." Gai grunted, removing his jounin vest. "Get back everyone."

"What?!" Kakashi exclaimed with wide eyes. "I will not let you fight him alone!"

"Quiet!" Another voice spoke.

"Ibiki…" Gai muttered, glancing over his shoulder. "Do not interfere; there is nothing you can do."

Interrogator's eyes narrowed. "What are you going to do, Gai?"

"Something I haven't done for many decades." Gai said, looking down.

"Many decades?" Kakashi asked in confusion. "But you said you're just thirty two."

"I lied." The taijutsu master said, tearing the upper part of his suit apart. "Now order everyone to withdraw, Ibiki. I don't know if I'll be able to control my powers after all this time."

"But…!"

"Move it, Gai." Naruto interrupted. "Last time I killed you so easily because you were taking too much time."

"As you wish." The jounin crossed his hands in front of his face. **"Eight Gates Celestial Release!"**

"WOAH!" Kakashi yelled as he and several others were thrown back by a massive energy explosion that came from Gai.

"What is that?" Ibiki asked.

"I think I heard eight gates…" Kakashi's… eye widened. "Don't tell me…!"

"Yes…" Ibiki nodded his head. "I think he opened all eight gates."

"But that means… NO!" Kakashi was about to rush towards his friend and rival when…

"Hahahahaha!" Naruto's evil laughter stopped him dead in his tracks.

Apparently the demon was the only one who was unaffected by Gai's energy release.

"A divine energy!" Naruto exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear. "At last I've seen one. You know…" He folded his hands in front of his chest and tilted his head to the side. "We are not so different, me and you…"

"We are nothing alike!" Gai spat, opening his now shining eyes.

"Are we?" Naruto said in amusement. "Let's see… An angel who had no friends; a human who was thrown away like a piece of trash. An angel who discarded his divinity; a human who discarded his humanity." His grin widened. "We both killed our first human out of vengeance and rage, and… it all started because of a dead girl."

"Shut up!" Gai rushed forward, clearly intending to punch Naruto's head from his shoulders, but…

CLANG.

…But Gai's fist was stopped inches away from demon's face. Stopped by a black metallic gauntlet.

"Hmhmhmhmhm…" Naruto chuckled darkly. "So easily provoken." He slowly removed his sunglasses and looked straight at Gai with his pitch black eyes. "You fucking failure!"

"DAH!" Gai gasped when Naruto's left fist knocked air out of his lungs and threw his body away.

"How stupid can one man be?!" Naruto yelled, looking down at his opponent from a distance and throwing away his coat. "To clip your own wings because of a stupid reason like love! But hell, I'm no angel, so I guess it can be natural to your useless kind. But then…" A fire flickered in Naruto's eyes. "Hahahahaha… Then you let her die."

Gai looked up at Naruto. Now his face showed pure malice. "Don't you dare speak about her!"

"I will speak whatever I fucking want, jabroni." Naruto stated, summoning a cola can in his left hand. "That's actually the most pathetic thing I've heard about you. Fall in love?" He drank from his can. "Ah, that's fine. I mean shit happens… But letting her die like that?! Hahahahahaha! Fucking angel you are."

"Gh." Gai slowly got up to his feet. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh really?! Well I think I do!" Naruto shouted. "Killing humans in the most brutal way! Slaying a whole town out of anger! Blowing up a mountain! That's the man I want at my side!" Naruto spat on the ground and threw his can away. "Why stop?! You no longer had wings, yes. But your power still remained! You could have the world! Instead…" He scowled in anger. "Instead you chose to be a useless piece of trash, wearing a wig, fake eyebrows and a green spandex simply because it was her favorite color!"

"I told you…" Gai spoke calmly, finally suppressing his anger. "That man no longer exists. There is only I… And I choose to stop you."

"Stop me?" Naruto asked in amusement. "That's funny…" He said as a pair of black wings grew from his back. **"**Do y**ou actually think that a pathetic failure like you have even one chance in hell at stopping me?!"**

Gai's eyes narrowed. "I think that…"

"**It doesn't matter what you think!" **Naruto interrupted, now fully in his released form. **"You don't want to see the reason, so be it! If you're not with me, then you are my enemy!" **He summoned Yamato in his hand again. **"Bring it!"**

**Not too far away…**

"Guhh…" One Yuhi Kurenai moaned, clutching her head. The ruby-eyed woman was never so confused in her entire life.

"What the hell is wrong with me?!" She asked in desperation, observing everything from the roof. 'Hokage-sama ordered to capture Uzumaki Naruto… But isn't Naruto just a kid?! And who is that man? How is he tearing through Konoha forces so easily? And why…?' Kurenai raised her hand with one single kunai in it… but then lowered it down. 'What is going on?!'

"There she is!" Suddenly came from behind.

"Huh?" Kurenai turned around. "Hokage-sama? Why are you…?" Then her eyebrows rose. "Sasuke and Sakura? What are you still doing here?"

"I have a better question." Sarutobi said with narrowed eyes. "What are you doing here? I ordered full mobilization. Why are you not on the battlefield?"

"I…" The woman hesitated. "I can't explain, it's just…" She turned around. "When I try to attack that man, my whole being tells me to stop."

Sasuke and Sakura shared a glance.

"Do you know who that man is, Kurenai-san?" The pink haired girl asked.

"N-No, not really. But we were told to find Naruto. Is that him?"

Sasuke relaxed a little. "She doesn't remember."

"Looks like it." Sakura nodded.

"Remember what?" Kurenai asked in confusion.

"No time to explain." The Uchiha almost shouted. "Just tell me one thing, Kurenai, do you want to see Konoha destroyed?"

"I…" Woman's eyes widened.

"_Tell me what you cherish most." _A whisper echoed in her head. It was a quiet hissing voice that made chills run down her spine… and also made her afraid.

"I… No, I don't want the village destroyed."

"Good." Sasuke's eyebrows furrowed. "Then look carefully, everyone. We only have one chance at this…"

**With Naruto…**

"**Stay still damn it!" **Naruto shouted angrily, swinging his sword at Gai who managed to sidestep yet again and get the demon with a crushing heel kick to the ribcage. **"Guh!"**

"**Divine Fist!" **The Konoha jounin rushed at his opponent with insane speed, preparing to deliver a devastating punch, but… Naruto disappeared in a flash of black right before it connected.

"**Fucking speedy bastard." **The blond hissed, clutching his chest with his free hand. **"That hurts, you know…"**

Gai turned around slowly. "That's the point. Are you going to continue, Naruto? It's still not too late to think everything over and…"

"**Shut your fucking mouth!" **Naruto interrupted, letting his sword disappear in his hand. **"The fun is just getting started!"**

The jounin shook his head. "Trying to fight me hand to hand is not the best idea."

"**I already beat you before."**

"True, but I won't fall for the same trick twice."

Now that made Naruto's eyebrows rise. **"What? How do you know…?"**

"I'm not a human, Naruto." Gai stated stoically. "I remember everything."

The demon snorted. **"Kh… KHAHAHAHAHAHA! What can you possibly remember?! I killed you at the very beginning!"**

"You are wrong again. I planned my death."

The demon dropped his stance. **"Excuse me?"**

The jounin sighed. "When I saw your strength firsthand, I understood that there will be no stopping you from destroying this world. However I couldn't just stand and do nothing, so I contacted my previous masters and made a bargain. If I die here by your hand, I will get my powers back and be reinstated as heavens' defender. I didn't die, Naruto. I was simply waiting for your arrival…" He pointed up. "Up there."

"**Hm… Hmhmhm… HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" **Naruto laughed. **"Sorry, I could even applaud to you, but my gauntlets will get in the way. Nicely done, jabroni."**

"You can't win against me at your current level, Naruto." Gai stated, taking his battle stance once again. "And even if you do, look around you."

The demon did. All Konoha forces were still there, waiting for a moment to strike.

"They will finish the job if I'll fail. Back down."

'**Hmm… As shameful as it is to admit it, but he's right. I have just drained CC's power and had no chance to recover. If this goes on I can very well run out of energy…'**

"_Don't tell me you're going to back down simply because of that." _Yamato commented.

Naruto grinned evilly. **'Hell no! Who the hell do you think you're talking to?! Let's try another way…' **He concluded, taking out a… cola can. **"Is that what you think?"**

Gai said nothing.

"**Come on, say something!"**

Still nothing.

"**Damn, you're no fun…" **Naruto replied, puncturing his can with one of his fingers. **"Well, I guess I should be terrified, right? The great guardian is standing in front of me, right?" **His grin widened. **"Oh sorry, I mean former guardian. Tell me, what did you ever see in her?"**

"Shut up!" Gai shouted. "You know nothing!"

"**Am I?" **The demon took a sip from the can. **"Let's see… Kraven Larso, one of the greatest holy knights of 3rd region of heaven, Paradiso. Tasked by one of the Elder gods to protect one single girl, because she was important for the future." **He paused to see if he was making the right effect.

He was.

"**But as it probably often happens, the guardian fell in love with the girl he was supposed to protect. And, like everything in your fucking world, it was, of course, forbidden. So in order to be with that girl you loved, you had to surrender a part of your own power. Fucking shit! Angels need to clip their own wings in order to grow a set of balls! How idiotic is that! At least demons have everything."**

"And you're saying your way is better?!" Gai asked incredulously. "The whole world is your enemy!"

The demon shrugged. **"The world can always give up… Anyway, let's continue with the story. Actually, the most shocking to me was not that you gave up your own power. And not even that you let that bitch die like a total loser. Oh no, it was that girl's identity." **Naruto's grin went to his ears. **"Uzumaki Mito?! Come on! You do know I'm her… whatever, right?"**

"I do." Gai stated simply, fixing Naruto with a glare.

"**And you still going to fight me?! Shame on you." **Naruto replied, narrowing his eyes. **'He's about to boil, one more push…' **With that thought he emptied the cola can into his mouth and threw it over his shoulder.**"But hell, love is evil, right? I mean how could you know that she had an arranged marriage with Hashirama? She herself didn't. So from a lively and cheerful girl she turned into a gloomy and impassive emo bitch. And you are the sole reason for that!"**

"No, it's…!"

"**Don't bull shit me, pal! You are the reason she changed, you are the reason she began to fade… And you're also the reason she took her own…"**

"SHUT UP!" Gai screamed in rage, attacking Naruto head on.

'**Worked like a clock.' **Naruto thought with a smirk. **"Kuxo-ta-oni Tsupari!" **He threw his right hand forward, only for Gai to blur out of view and reappear on his right. **"Fuck!"**

"**Mighty Hammer!" **Gai shouted, bringing his glowing heel down on his opponent.

Having no time to dodge, Naruto did the next best thing. He moved his right wing to block the strike…

CRACK.

"**AAAAH!"**

…It was not very pleasant though.

"**Fucking son of a bitch!" **Naruto cursed in pain.

"I'm not done!" Gai appeared right in front of him, lashing out with a punch. **"Divine Fist!"**

But unfortunately for him Naruto was ready this time as he caught Gai's fist with his palm.

"**Got ya." **The demon stated, pressing his free hand right in the middle of Gai's chest. **"Hadou #4 Byakurai."**

FLASH.

Gai's eyes opened wide in shock. Slowly he looked down to see that there was now a fist-size hole in his chest.

"Guah!" The jounin fell down on his knees, coughing up blood.

"**Ahh, that was nice." **Naruto stated, taking a deep breath, closing his eyes, gritting his teeth and…

CRACK.

…And twisted his wing's bones back in their place.

"**Ouch! Don't you ever do that again. Do you have a**ny idea how painful that was?!" The demon continued, slowly returning to his normal form.

"Cough… cough…"

"Oh, come on now!" Naruto walked to Gai's right side and leaned an elbow on his shoulder. "I'll tell you a secret, the one you should've realized the second I said your true name. How in the blue hell do I know all that? Eh?"

"Cough… How?"

"Remember Athena?"

Gai's eyes widened.

"I drained her."

"NO!" The jounin tried to stand up, using the remains of his strength, but Naruto firmly backhanded him across his face, sending him down on the ground.

"Hmhmhmhmhm." Naruto chuckled, examining his bloodied knuckles. "Yep, your only friend became a part of me." Then he frowned. "Unfortunately since the time was reversed, she's probably alive right now."

"Thank god…" Gai grunted, trying to push himself off the ground.

"Oh, don't worry, you'll have your downside." The blond stated. "Time reversal also means that you haven't made your deal with the gods yet. So…" He took out his gun and pointed it at jounin's forehead. "Time to say goodbye."

"**Raikiri!"**

"Damn." Naruto hissed, jumping away. "You just don't know when to stop, you imbecile!"

"Kakashi!" Ibiki landed near his two fellow jounins. "The order was to stand down."

"I won't just stand down let my comrade die." The one-eyed jounin stated, narrowing said eye.

"Kakashi…"

"Oh, how touching!" Naruto tried to clap his hands, but this time there was a gun in his hand. "Crap… Anyway, you do realize I'm still going to kill all of you? In fact…" He raised his left hand, creating a Cero on a tip of his finger. "Since you morons just can't stay apart, I'll just blast all three of you together. Say hello to…"

"Naruto."

The demon flinched after hearing this voice. 'I'm starting to hate it already!' He slowly glanced over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Kurenai?"

Indeed, there was Kurenai… Who had Sasuke's kunai on her throat.

"That was not the smartest thing to do, Uke-chan…"

"Stand down, Naruto!" Sasuke placed his kunai closer to Kurenai's neck. "You don't want anything to happen to her, right?"

'Son of a…' The demon forced a smirk on his face and pointed his gun right at Kurenai's head. "She doesn't even remember a damn thing. She's not the woman I knew, so why should I care about what happens to her?!"

The Uchiha clenched his jaw tighter, which didn't go unnoticed by Naruto.

"Besides…" The blond armed the trigger. "You're not really the person to do that, are you, Sasuke? She doesn't remember anything; that means she's innocent. You won't kill an innocent person, right Sasuke?"

"Damn it." Sasuke cursed quietly.

"So, what now?" Sarutobi asked.

"I'm thinking…"

**Unknown location...**

"Hmm…" Susannoo, the planet's supreme ruler was not looking pleasant.

"My lord?"

"Yes, what is it, Order?"

"I…" The Elder god began. "I'm just wondering why you are not doing anything. If things will keep going as they are, it will be no different from the previous timeline."

"You are correct." Susannoo stated. "But tell me this, do you know the punishment for time traveling?"

"I… No, my lord." Order replied.

"I thought so." Susannoo rubbed his jaw. "It's strange actually. He should've found him already. What is…? Ah, of course!" The Supreme Ruler waved his hand and Konoha's image in front of him changed his color. "Just as I thought."

"What is it, my lord?"

"Amaterasu." Susannoo stated. "She protects him, shields him. See this dome? It prevents the guardian from finding his target. However…" He snapped his fingers and the dome around Konoha broke like a glass. "This is my world, sister. Say goodbye to your little pet."

**...**

**And that is it. Sorry, no omake today, but I promise to make it up to you next time.**

**Sincerely yours, if you… FUCK LIKE HELL AND SLEEP WELL!**

**Darthemius.**


	5. Catch me if you can

**Harry Potter: Know your mouth and…**

**Naruto: No dammit! How many times must I repeat?! It's know your ROLE! Can you spell anything correctly?!**

**Harry Potter: Try Avada Kedavra.**

**Naruto: Av-ua… No matter. You see pal, to be a man, you have to look like a man. Walk, talk and think like a man! When someone gives you shit, you kick their ass! And when you see some nice boobs, you go and…**

**Harry Potter: What?**

**Naruto: Don't tell me you don't know what boobs are…**

**Harry Potter: I know, but… Well… All girls in my story weren't really developed in that area…**

**Naruto (Slapping his forehead): Oh my fucking god… Okay, this has to be corrected first. Oi, Trish!**

**Trish: Yeah?**

**Naruto: See this fella here? He has never seen boobs in his life.**

**Trish: Oh, you mean these? (Unzipping her top)**

**Harry Potter: SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAL!**

**Trish: Oh, don't you worry, little boy! Big sis will show you how it's done!**

**Naruto: Well, one less problem… Now where the fuck is Darth?! It's AN time! Well, since he's not here again…**

**Hello, guys! Yes, that's me, Uzumaki Naruto. Yes, I'm still here, and I'm currently doing some underjobs for Kishimoto. Yes, the bastard is still alive despite everything we did to him. So here I am, currently fighting a tree… Yes, you heard me right, I **_**am**_**, in fact fighting a fucking tree… Alongside Sasuke. Guh, how much more retarded can this story get you ask? I'll tell you a big fucking secret. I looked at the script and right now I'm supposed to mind-rape Obito. I mean why not! He already made me do it to my every opponent! But the secret is, I'm going to mind-rape Madara as well! Don't tell anyone, it will ruin the surprise! **

**Still, if I do not become Hokage after this then… Then there is a god after all! Wish me luck…**

**...**

**Chapter five: Catch me if you can.**

"Hell yeah!" – talks.

'Art is a blast!' – thoughts.

"_Know your role!"_ – demon blades.

"**Katsu!" – **demonic/jutsu.

...

**Konohagakure no sato. Naruto's location…**

"Lower your weapon, Sasuke." Naruto exclaimed with a smirk, still pointing his gun at the Uchiha. "We both know you won't do it. I on the other hand…"

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "You won't do it, and you know it."

Naruto armed the gun's trigger. "Would you bet your life on it?"

"I would." Sasuke replied with a smirk. "After all, she did save your ass back in Kumo."

"What are you talking about?" Sarutobi asked as he was obviously confused as were everyone else.

"Not now!" The Uchiha cut him off harshly and turned back to his arch nemesis. "Remember that day, Naruto?!"

Demon's face darkened.

"Exactly, the day of your greatest fiasco at the hands of the Order!" Sasuke continued. "The day when you lost the battle and almost lost your life as well."

Naruto gritted his teeth in anger.

"And who was it? Who saved your ungrateful ass when you were the most vulnerable?" Sasuke leaned closer and smelled Kurenai's hair. "Mmm… Smells nice. Now I see why you liked her."

"Tch." Naruto lowered his gun slowly. "Hm… Hmhmhmhmhm. Good, very good, Uke-chan! Quoting from my book now?"

"If I have to step to your level, then so be it! I'll do anything to stop you."

"Alright, alright you've made your point." The blond dismissed his gun and raised his hands defensively. "Now release Kurenai and I'll promise to leave your village right now."

"No deal!" Sasuke shouted. "I know you too well. You get the hell out of here this instant, and maybe I will not hurt her."

"Son of a bitch…" Naruto scowled, looking left and right. Konoha shinobi surrounded him from all sides. That of course wouldn't have mattered if only he could get to Kurenai in time. However no matter how fast he was, Sasuke will slit Kurenai's throat even faster. "Fine, two can play this game!" He outstretched his left hand. **"Bansho Ten'in!"**

"KYAH!" Sakura yelped in shock and surprise when her body was suddenly pulled towards Naruto.

"Got ya!" The demon exclaimed, catching the pink haired girl by the throat.

"Sakura!" Sasuke shouted.

"Is about to become a piece of meat." Naruto finished. "Now how about an exchange? Eh, Sa-su-ke-kun?" He mocked, licking Sakura's cheek. "Damn, tastes like… sakura. Hate that crap. So? What do you say, mister hero?"

Sasuke gritted his teeth in concentration. 'If he gets to Kurenai, then Konoha is doomed. But I can't just leave Sakura… FUCK! Let's at least try this.' He concluded. "Fine. But first you will promise to leave Konoha alone."

'Eh?' Kurenai's eyes widened. 'He can't be serious. I'm not a bargaining chip!'

"_Tell me what you cherish most… Tell me what you cherish most!" _Echoed in her head once again.

'Gh! Shut up!'

"Tch, you're pushing it, Uke-chan!" Naruto replied, tightening his grip around Sakura's throat.

"Gah!" The girl gasped in pain, trying desperately to remove Naruto's fingers from her neck.

"She will suffocate in a minute, you know."

"If she dies, then I will kill your precious sidekick." Sasuke spat. "You don't have many of those after everything you've done, _you know_."

Naruto bared his teeth in anger. "Fucking asshole… Fine!" He threw Sakura on the ground harshly. "I promise not to destroy Konoha. There! Now release her!"

"…Very well…" Sasuke said slowly. He was really surprised when Naruto actually said that. "However her coming with you was not a part of the deal."

"Wha…" Demon's eyes widened when he saw Sasuke suddenly hit the back of Kurenai's head, knocking her unconscious. "Motherfucker!"

The Uchiha smirked. "You made a promise, Naruto. Don't you have places to be?!"

"Grrrrr!" Naruto growled in anger. But when he summoned his sword and took a step forward he immediately felt small jolts of electricity rush through his body. "Fuck! But you know what, you're not Konoha!" He suddenly dismissed his sword and took out his gun. "So I think I'll give myself some satisfaction before I leave."

Sasuke's eyes widened.

"Sayona… What the hell?" Naruto spoke in confusion, looking around himself. The world has suddenly lost all… color.

"What is this?!" Sandaime asked. "What is going on?!"

"I don't know…" Sasuke replied quietly. "But something in my gut tells me to really back away… and fast."

"Yes, we really should!" Gai raised his voice loud enough for everyone to hear. "I know what that is, and we must get out of here right now!"

"Are you sure?" Hiruzen wondered. "And what if…?"

"No, it's not here for us. Withdraw!"

"But…!"

"That or death!"

"…Very well. Everyone, get as far away from this place as possible!" The Hokage commanded. And several seconds later Naruto already stood alone in the middle of a large square, still looking around himself in confusion.

"I… I feel a presence… a powerful one…" He muttered. "But I have not encountered it last time. Who in the blue hell is this?"

"_I don't know, but it sure is someone nasty." _Yamato responded. _"Get ready for a tough fight."_

"Heh." Naruto smirked. "Anytime! Hey, enough playing around! Show yourself and bring it, jabroni!"

"**Uzumaki Naruto!"** A low demonic voice replied as some strange black sand started to swirl around madly in front of Naruto, slowly taking form… extremely large and menacing form.

"Eh?" Naruto slowly tilted his head to the side. "Who in the blue hell are you?"

"**I am your executioner." **The demon spoke, looking down at his victim.

Naruto narrowed his eyes. 'Something's strange about this guy. He does not look very big and yet…'

That very moment several long tentacles erupted from the black demon's stomach and flew straight at Naruto, leaving the blond only a quarter of a second to teleport away.

"And yet I feel very uneasy…" He muttered out loud, preparing his sword for battle.

"**You are very quick, mortal." **The demon stated, turning to Naruto. **"Quick to die."**

"We'll see about that!"

**Sasuke's location…**

"Can someone finally tell me what is going on?!" It was official; Sarutobi Hiruzen was on the brink of a breakdown. "First Naruto happens to be a demon, then these two happen to be from the future, and now this! Who the hell is that?!"

"I wish I could help you, Hokage-sama." Sasuke said stoically, observing Naruto's confrontation with an unknown demon.

"What do you mean you wish you could?! Aren't you from the future?"

"Yes… But I have never encountered anything like that monster down there." The young Uchiha stated, closing his eyes. "Even at his strongest Naruto didn't possess such aura. When I was down there I felt…" He paused. "I felt as if I should just give up everything and die… As if any struggling is useless, and anything I can possibly do will have no meaning."

"Hmm…" Sarutobi looked down as well. "Actually I felt the same way. I wonder who is that…"

"Cough… I'm not sure if you'll like the answer…" Came from behind.

"Gai-san! Please stop moving!" Sakura exclaimed, doing her best to treat jounin's wounds. "My skills are hard enough to control as they are!"

"It's okay, Sakura." Gai raised his hand. "I won't die from that, but… Whatever you do, do not go near that creature."

"You know who that is, Gai?" Kakashi asked.

"I do… And as I said, you won't like the answer." Gai replied, closing his eyes slowly.

"Enough! I order you to share the information!" Hiruzen commanded.

Gai took a deep breath. "Very well… That beast down there is probably the most powerful creature in existence. He is called Dahaka, the guardian of the timeline."

Sasuke's eyebrows furrowed. "Guardian of the timeline?"

"Indeed." Gai nodded. "Since the establishment of the natural order, time travels were strictly forbidden by the Supreme Ruler himself."

"Y-You mean that time travels are actually possible?" Sakura asked in slight shock.

"They are. By breaking through the timeline one can change the course of history, save his friends, or perhaps destroy everything. But the price for that is too great." Gai looked somewhere in the distance. "Breaking through the timeline will awake the guardian."

"That one?" Sasuke asked, pointing down.

"Yes." Gai replied, without even turning around. "He will not eat, he will not sleep, and he will not stop… until the very reason for his awakening is erased from existence."

Hiruzen's eyebrows furrowed. "So in short words, this… Dahaka is here to kill Naruto, right?"

"Not necessarily." Sasuke responded. "He could also be after Sakura and myself."

"No." Gai stated simply. "You regaining your memories have nothing to do with breaking through the timeline. My guess it's just a side effect of you discarding your humanity."

"I see…" Sasuke looked down to see that Naruto and Dahaka were about to go at it. "And exactly how powerful is that… thing?"

Gai held a slight pause. "Naruto has no chance of survival."

Uchiha's eyes widened. "What?! If you know everything that happened, then you should have knowledge about everything Naruto has done! He…!"

"It's irrelevant." Gai interrupted. "Dahaka was created by the Supreme Ruler himself to ensure that even the gods cannot disrupt the natural order. And Naruto is nowhere near a god in ranks of power."

"Tch." Sasuke turned back to where Naruto was standing and gritted his teeth. 'If his end is so certain… then why am I having such a dreadful feeling in my gut?'

**Back with Naruto…**

"Heh, this will be too easy!" Naruto stated, drawing his blade quicker than a human eye can see. **"Judgement Cut!"**

SLASH.

"The hell?!"

Dahaka didn't even move.

"**Is that the extent of your power, mortal?" **The beast asked. **"You have no chance of survival then." **Dahaka exclaimed, unleashing his tentacles once again.

"Tch." Naruto spat and dashed forward. "Go fuck yourself!"

"_Naruto stop! Wait!"_ Yamato tried to reason, but Naruto was already too close.

"Take this!" He brought his sword down and…

CLANG.

…It connected with Dahaka's torso, doing absolutely nothing.

"**Die." **Dahaka threw a punch at him, which Naruto dodged and struck at creature's legs, but…

CLANG.

"Not done!" The blond screamed jumping up in attempt to slice Dahaka's head off, but…

CLANG.

"Oh, come on!" Naruto looked at his sword in frustration… big mistake. For that very moment Dahaka threw another punch, and this time he was not fast enough to dodge. "GUAH!" The blond gasped as his body was thrown like a ragdoll through several buildings.

"Ugh… Cough… Cough…" Naruto got up from the rubble, coughing blood. "With just one punch?!" He exclaimed, clutching his ribs. "You've got to be fucking kidding me!"

"_I told you not to attack head on!"_ Yamato responded. _"This guy looks way too serious. And if even I can't cut him, then we have a big fucking problem, brother."_

"Cough, I can see that…" Naruto said, wiping blood from his lips as Dahaka approached him quickly, destroying everything in his path. "I guess I have no choice then…"

"_Huh? What are you talking about?" _The demon blade asked.

'Oh, that's right, I never used it after I acquired you.' Naruto thought. 'In fact, last time I remember using it is when I fought Yagura…' He chuckled. 'Damn, it has only been four years, but it feels like a lifetime…'

"_Stop daydreaming! This asshole is approaching, and he's not going to talk by the looks of it."_

"Heh, you're right." The blond closed his eyes, concentrating harder. 'Prepare to lend me all your strength if something goes wrong…'

"_What do you mean, something goes wrong?!"_

Naruto smirked, opening his eyes sharply. "I don't know how good I'll be able to handle such power up! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" A surge of black energy suddenly escaped from his body. **"DRAGON INSTAAAAAAAALL!"**

Dahaka stopped his approach. **"What are you trying to do, mortal?"**

"Just taking some dope!" Naruto shouted, throwing his blade forward. **"Hyper Judgement Cut!"**

The entire area around the great black beast lost all visibility from the amount of slashing marks. Dahaka himself almost disappeared from view.

"Not done yet!" Naruto shouted, jumping high in the air. **"Terra Break!"**

This time the world around them suddenly broke like a glass.

"Take this, you motherfucker!" The blond demon shouted, assaulting his enemy with a huge number of projectiles that came from his hands. The smoke and energy cloud were effectively hiding the results of his actions, but Naruto showed no signs of stopping. "Get over here!" He caught Yamato in midair. **"Blood Fest!"**

A cross mark on the ground quickly opened a huge hole deep down into the fiery abyss, and finally…

"Enjoy your ride, bitch! **Dimension Slash!**" Naruto yelled, swinging his sword down. "Art is a blast! KATSU!"

BLAST.

A giant black shockwave slammed right into the circle, leaving no chance for anything to escape. Satisfied with his work, Naruto did a graceful somersault and landed on his feet… only to fall on one knee next moment.

"_Oh, what happened?!" _Yamato asked in confusion.

"Heh…" Naruto grinned, coughing some blood. "Do you really think that such a powerfull power up comes without a price? But that is irrelevant now. That horned jabroni is surely…"

But before he could even finish the sentence, a pair of black tentacles suddenly shot out of the smoke cloud, catching Naruto by surprise.

"Shit!" He cursed loudly, just as tentacles managed to grab his left ankle and drag him all the way to… absolutely unharmed Dahaka. "No way…" The blond stuttered in shock.

"**I told you, it was useless, mortal."** The great beast stated. **"Now fulfill your purpose and disappear."** Dahaka started to pull Naruto even closer to himself, and the later finally started to understand, to his immense horror, what his enemy has in mind.

'Holy fuck! He wants to absorb me!' Naruto screamed mentally, clawing at the ground in desperation.

"_What?! You mean the way you're absorbing everything?" _Yamato asked.

'Yes, the exact same way! If he drags me close, it's all over!' He thought, looking for something… anything to help him. 'Shit, I'm… I'm…!'

"**No one escapes from the Dahaka."** The black beast stated as Naruto was finally within his reach. **"Die!"**

"NO! **SHINRA TENSEI!"**

"**What?"** Dahaka asked, when some unseen force was trying to pull Naruto away from him. **"Stop struggling, mortal!"**

'Holy fucking shit!' At the same time Naruto concluded. 'My fully powered Shinra Tensei can't even move him from his place! Fuck, at least I might be able to escape his clutches…'

And he did. But instead of throwing Dahaka far away from him, Naruto himself was thrown backwards with tremendous force… However, even before he reached the ground, one of Dahaka's tentacles already shoot after him at even faster speed.

"No fucking way I'll let myself be captured by these fucking tentacles again!" Naruto yelled, extending his right hand to the side. **"Bansho Ten'in!"**

"Gah!" Unfortunate Konoha shinobi gasped as he was suddenly pulled right into Naruto's outstretched hand.

"Here, take this garbage!" Naruto shouted, grabbing the unlucky shinobi by the collar of his jacket and throwing him right at the approaching tentacle.

The part of Dahaka's body quickly wrapped itself around the unexpected gift and just as quickly withdrew to the rest of it… Only to put some more fear into Naruto.

The man was not even allowed to scream as Dahaka almost instantly turned his body into sand and absorbed it.

'H-Holy shit…' Naruto wanted to say, but his lips refused to move. 'That could've been me.'

"_Looks like your guess was right after all…" _Yamato concluded.

'Yeah, I can see that, much, asshole!'

"**Hm, you have very good survival instincts, mortal." **Dahaka stated in amusement. **"Still it's all useless. You cannot escape your fate… No man can."**

"Tch." He spat… as all living suddenly stopped around him. Surprisingly, he also found himself unable to move.

"…_A…to! Hey, Naruto!" _Suddenly sounded in his head.

'Wha…? CC, is that you?'

"_Yep, took me awhile to establish the connection though… Listen, I have important information!" _The girl stated. _"This realm is not your past! It's…"_

'I noticed already! Anything really important?!'

"_Yeah, you really must not kill anyone!"_

Naruto's eyebrows disappeared into his hairline… And with this very expression he watched the Hokage tower… which was currently frozen in midair as it was falling down that very moment.

'Kinda late for such information, don't you think?!' The demon thought in frustration. 'Besides, why mustn't I?! Isn't this why I decided to start over?!'

"_It is. But you're nowhere near the level of power you previously had. You need your strength back first! And killing someone important might change the course of history! It's more comfortable when you know what's going to happen next, don't you think?"_

'Hmm… You have a point.' Naruto concluded, glancing at Dahaka again. 'Look, I really don't have time for chat right now. Are you safe?'

"_Yes, I have finally reached Otogakure. I think you will be glad about what I did with the place."_

'I'd be glad to simply stay alive.' Naruto replied skeptically.

"…_Something happened?"_

'Yeah, I was having some good quality time with my Konoha friends…' He stopped to let CC's laughter die down. 'And then this jabroni came out of nowhere. I hate to admit it, but the bastard is good…'

'_What does he look like?' _The girl asked.

'Well, he's all black with horns. Surprisingly, he does not do all that much, just shoots tentacles from his stomach, but nothing I do have the effect either. It's almost as if he's invincible and…'

"_That's because he is!" _CC shouted in horror. _"Did he say his name?"_

'Yeah, something like Buhaka… Gihaka…'

"_Dahaka, the guardian of the timeline! Shit, how could I be so stupid! Time travels are forbidden and…"_

'Oh, don't worry, so much.' Naruto interrupted with a smirk. 'I'm sure I'll come up with something.'

"_No, you won't!" _CC yelled. _"He was created by Susunnoo himself and granted nearly limitless power! The rumor has it that only the Supreme Ruler himself can destroy him by taking back the power he granted. You cannot kill him!"_

'Then what the fuck should I do?!'

"_RUN! Run as fast as you can!"_

'But where…?'

"_I cannot maintain the connection any… longer… Remember, you must… run…"_

The world returned back to normal.

"**Die." **Dahaka's tentacles reached out for Naruto once again, but…

"**Mai!" **Naruto exclaimed, teleporting several feet backwards. "Not today, asshole! Try to catch me first!" And with that he rushed towards the village's exit with Dahaka shortly on his tail.

"**You will not escape, Uzumaki Naruto!"**

**With Sasuke and the others…**

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" It was official; Sarutobi Hiruzen has finally lost it. "What the hell was that?! It was not even Kage level! It was… It was…!"

"Inhuman." Sasuke finished for him, silently looking in the direction Naruto has run off to.

"Yes!" Sandaime shouted loudly. "But I saw the Kyuubi attack! It was nowhere near…"

"Calm down, Hokage-sama." Gai said calmly. "From what I've seen before, that was only a fraction of power he had before."

"Wait, you mean he was even stronger?" Kakashi asked in disbelief.

"He was." Sasuke replied, turning around to look Hiruzen straight in the eyes. "And you'd better get used to seeing this kind of power play.

Sandaime glared at him. "You have a lot of nerve talking to me like that." He said dangerously. "Do you know who I am, _boy_?"

"I do." Sasuke glared back. "But do you know who _I_ am, _old man_?"

"What are you…?"

"It's obvious that my previous words did not sink in." The Uchiha interrupted. "Right now I am the only person, who actually faced Naruto and survived. Everyone else is dead or lost in time. But more importantly…" He turned to Sakura. "I know how he thinks."

"Yes." The girl nodded. "Knowing what's going to happen, Naruto will likely regain all his power in no time. We must be ready."

"Wait a second, Sasuke-kun." Gai exclaimed. "You just made him promise to leave Konoha alone. He must abide by that or…"

"He will be punished, yes." Sasuke closed his eyes. "But the promise only goes against Konoha. No other town or village, or even country is safe from him. Damn, even we are in danger if we are to go beyond these walls…"

"Wait a second!" Sarutobi has finally regained his posture. "You said he's going to become even stronger. Say, can we perhaps stop him from doing so?"

"Hmm…" Sasuke looked down in thoughts. "Remember where he got his strength from, Sakura?"

"He… He drained Juubi, Mundus and Baal, but…" Her eyes widened.

"Exactly. Mundus and Baal are both beyond his abilities right now. And to get Juubi he needs all Akatsuki rings." Sasuke stated as his eyes narrowed.

"Wait, wait, wait! Do you actually think to negotiate with Akatsuki?! They are all… criminals." Sakura finished, only then realizing how ridiculous that sounded in the light of recent events.

"You got it I see." Sasuke smirked. "They may be criminals, but Naruto is surely the greater evil. And since his goal includes their death, I think they will agree with our proposition very easily."

"Hold on a minute, how do you know about Akatsuki?" Sarutobi asked in confusion. "They are a secret organization…"

"That consists of several S-ranked criminals." Sakura finished. "Yes, we know that."

"Do you forget that we are from the… future." Sasuke said as his eyes widened. "Wait, Sakura! This is not our world! My family is…"

"Alive. Yes, I remember. But we really have no idea what's going on right now, so let's just go with the flow for now and see where it leads."

"Hmm… I guess we don't really have a choice."

"Wait, what about your family?" Kakashi asked.

"In the previous timeline the entire Uchiha clan was slaughtered… by Itachi and Naruto." Gai stated.

"What?!" Sarutobi's eyes widened. "Itachi-kun would've never…!"

"You ordered him to." Sasuke turned away from everyone. "Enough… He's dead, isn't he?"

Kakashi closed his eye. "He is."

"Damn…"

"So… What should we do?" Surprisingly it came from Hiruzen.

Sasuke glanced over his shoulder, and to his dismay noticed that everyone was looking at him.

"First we must restore the village's functionality." The Uchiha stated. "Then we must find Akatsuki and bring them here… Or at the very least bring their rings. Even one would be enough if I remember correctly. At the same time we must form the alliance with every shonobi village we can and use their armies to defend the village from possible invasion. For if we actually get the Akatsuki, Naruto will strike for sure."

"Wait, he can't do that. He made a promise." Gai replied.

"He did… But he only spoke for himself." Sasuke glanced at him. "If you remember, he had allies."

"Sasuke-kun, I just remembered…" Sakura suddenly spoke. "That place you went to with Athena… Can't you go there again?"

"And how can I get to the Netherworld?!" The Uchiha responded. "And even if I could, I'll still have to…" His eyes widened and Sakura immediately became uneasy.

"S-Sasuke-kun?" She asked cautiously.

"SHIT, NARUTO!" The Uchiha suddenly shouted.

"Naruto?!" Sarutobi took a battle stance. "Where?!"

"Nowhere, dammit!" Sasuke yelled in anger. "He remembers the place as well!" He gritted his teeth. "I must get there before him!"

"What was there?" Gai asked quietly.

"The Pandora Box." Sasuke replied.

"Important indeed…" Gai whispered again. "What happened?"

"What do you think?!" Sasuke snapped at him. "Naruto got there before me, and it led to this!" He waved his hand around. "Shit, I have to get there… Wait, you said you can contact the gods!"

"I indeed can." Gai nodded.

"Well tell them to defend it until I can get there! Or call Athena again to help me!"

"I'll see what I can do…" Gai looked to where Naruto left. "But there is still a chance. The guardian was never defeated."

Sasuke turned to him. "I look in your eyes now, Gai-san, and I see clearly that you do not believe in Naruto's defeat…" He turned away. "Just like I don't…"

**With Naruto…**

"Son of a bitch!" Naruto yelled, taking a quick glance over his shoulder and…

Yep, Dahaka was still there, still following him. Now Naruto had to admit that despite his experience of unbelievable things, what was happening now could easily be rated in the top ten. What you ask? Well maybe the fact that Naruto was using his top speed, and Dahaka was _walking_ after him, still managing to keep up.

"Damn that asshole is stubborn!" The blond cursed, gritting his teeth. "Okay, let's see how you handle this! **Tyrant Rave!**" Calling technique's name loudly, the demon jumped high in the air and switched from sprint to flight, flying forward even faster than before, incinerating everything in his path.

A quick smirk has found its way on his face… A smirk that immediately disappeared after another quick glance over his shoulder.

"Fucking hell!"

Dahaka was still keeping up with him. In fact, the beast was starting to shorten the distance between itself and its prey.

"Shit, shit, shit!" Naruto cursed, thinking of a possible way out. _"CC! Oi! CC! I can't shake the bastard off! Give me something!"_

Silence.

"Fuck!" Naruto yelled angrily, not liking his chances at all, but then… "Wait a second, what if…?" …Without slowing down, the demon immediately changed the direction of his flight to… up. "There!" He exclaimed confidently when he was far enough from the planet's surface. "Let's see you get me up here you… what?"

Down below Dahaka was not moving. Instead some distorted cloud appeared in front of him.

Naruto tilted his head to the side. "What the hell is he doing?"

He didn't have to wait long for an answer, for quick, as lightning, Dahaka threw all his tentacles right into the cloud.

"Oh fuck!" Naruto's instincts saved him yet again. He only had a split second to teleport away before black tentacles started to attack him from all sides, coming out of nowhere.

"Shit! I was safer on the ground!" The demon dived immediately, dodging all the way through. He even almost got caught once, but thankfully Naruto was able to bat the tentacle away with his sword.

"**Grrr. You're starting to annoy me, mortal." **Dahaka stated gravely, giving chase once again.

"_Look out!"_ Yamato suddenly yelled.

'Shut up!' Naruto snapped at his sword, taking another quick glance over his shoulder. 'I should be far away from… SHIT!' He screamed in his head, doing a quick barrel roll to escape the incoming tentacle.

"_You should really listen to me more because…"_

"I SAID SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" Naruto screamed in panic, now looking behind constantly.

How could Dahaka catch up to him so quickly? Simple. Instead of just walking, the beast also started to use short teleport jumps towards his target.

"**Accept your fate."** Dahaka said, now attacking Naruto constantly with his tentacles.

"FUCK!" Naruto screamed, trying to dodge and somehow escape certain doom.

"**Die!"**

"NO!" Naruto yelled, seeing that he couldn't possibly dodge, so in last ditch effort he tried to bat it away with his sword again.

The thing is, unknown to him and his pursuer, who got too caught up in their chase, the forest area has ended…

CLANG.

"**Guoh!" **Dahaka grunted, stopping dead in his tracks at the shore of a small lake.

Naruto however didn't stop until he got good fifty meters ahead, landing gracefully on one knee onto lake's surface.

"Huff… Huff… What the hell?" Naruto asked, breathing heavily.

"_What are you talking about?" _Yamato asked.

'I'm talking about him clutching his stomach, you moron!' Naruto snapped.

"_You mean… Our last attack actually hurt him?"_

'Why else would he stop?!' The demon exclaimed, slowly getting up… and looking at his enemy in confusion. 'Curious…'

"_That we actually hurt him?" _The demon blade wondered.

Naruto paused for a moment, still looking at Dahaka intently.

'No, not that.' The blond rubbed his chin in thoughts. 'Besides, we didn't actually hurt him. I don't see any injuries, and you left no slashing marks on him either. There is something else…'

"_Maybe you accidentally sent a cutting wave at him, or perhaps…"_

'Be quiet.' Naruto interrupted. 'It is not I who hurt him. Perhaps… No, it can't be that simple, can it?'

"_What?"_

"I want to check something." Naruto stated, quickly swinging his sword and cutting… water, sending a huge tidal wave at still unmoving Dahaka.

Only he did move when the wave approached him, disappearing out of view and reappearing shortly afterwards, looking none too pleased.

"I thought so." Naruto stated, bringing his sword up to see several drops of water on it. "Susannoo, God of Sea. Quite fitting if you think about it…"

"_What is?"_ Yamato asked. _"I don't understand."_

'Isn't it obvious?' Naruto thought back. 'Why isn't he following me? That lucky strike I did earlier shouldn't have stopped an enemy like that. Then why? I'll tell you.' The demon grinned evilly. "Water."

"_Water?"_

'No doubt that's his weakness.' Naruto concluded. 'He doesn't have the ability to fly, that's why he's not coming over here. And even if he could, it would be too easy for someone like me to attack him with water. I don't think he's too stupid to realize that.'

"_I see…"_ Yamato finally understood. _"But why isn't he attacking you with those tentacles like he did when you flew up in the sky?"_

'Hmm… Interesting question.' Naruto thought for a moment. 'Perhaps he thinks that I can attack his tentacles, or maybe… Of course!' It suddenly dawned on him. 'I think it's because he must stay in one place while he's doing it! And it will leave him extremely vulnerable if I choose to suddenly attack him. No, he cannot do a single thing to me while I'm standing here.'

"_So what? Are you going to stand here forever?"_

"Sure! I'll even go underwater to meet Ariel the mermaid!" Naruto replied. "Perhaps she'll even give me a blowjob if I'll explain my situation and make a pitiful enough look!"

"_Of course she will! But then you'll have a problem." _The demon blade stated.

Naruto raised an eyebrow at this. "What problem? Killing her jealous boyfriend?"

"_Nah, not that. We both know that you won't be satisfied with just a blowjob."_

"True." The demon grinned from ear to ear. "I'm gonna fuck her brains out afterwards!"

"_And how exactly are you gonna do that?!" _Yamato exclaimed. _"Or more specifically, _where_?!"_

Naruto's second eyebrow joined the first one. "A-A-A… Shit, you're right. I mean mermaids don't have a… you know…"

"_Yeah, I know."_

"But wait! Then how are they…?!"

"_Can't you think about that _after_ you deal with that big black jabroni?"_ The demon blade pointed.

"Wha…?" Naruto turned his head, noticing Dahaka again. "Oh yeah, right. Kinda forgot about him…"

Yamato never wished so much that he had hands, for he really wanted to slap his forehead right now… But then he sadly remembered that he also doesn't have a forehead…

"_Only you could forget something like this… So, how are you going to take him out now that you know his weakness?"_

Naruto dropped his smile. 'I don't think he was branded invincible for nothing.' He thought. 'Last time when we hurt him, it didn't leave a mark. I doubt that even if I would've hit him with that wave I did earlier it would've done the trick.' The demon shook his head. 'No, buddy. I need to do something substantial… like dropping him into this very lake.'

"_And how are you going to do that, even if your Shinra Tensei couldn't move him from his place."_ Yamato asked.

"I wonder..." Naruto muttered quietly. 'I think he can resist any energy attack. Which means I'll have to physically lift him up and throw into the lake.'

"_What about your demon form? Maybe you can use it?"_

'Yeah, but I don't feel like coming too close to him if he can use any part of my body to absorb me.'

"_Then what are you going to do?"_

The blond shrugged. 'Maybe I should just stay here and dance Baccikoi? Perhaps he'll find it too dreadful and run away in tears…'

"_No doubt he will…"_

'Tch… Damn, at this rate I'll have no choice but to use demon form and…'

"**Maximum Voltage!"**

Naruto's heart skipped a beat… two beats… three beats…

"Can't be…" He muttered in disbelief when one blond girl suddenly jumped out of the woods and assaulted Dahaka with a barrage of yellow lightnings.

"_Is… Is that…?"_

"Trish…" Naruto whispered.

Surprises didn't end there though…

"What are you waiting for?! Go for it!" The blond girl named Trish yelled at… somebody.

"Alright, alright. I was just finishing my lollipop."

"**Foolish mortals." **Dahaka finally turned around to face his sudden attackers. **"No one can stop the Dahaka."**

"Well, suck on this then!" Second female voice yelled, starting to chant some unknown words.

Naruto could only watch in awe how a huge creature emerged from the forest, towering above trees… and even clouds. It was the same creature Hanabi used to send the Savior up in the sky at the battle of Suna. Queen Sheba she called it.

"Don't fuck with the bitch!"

And with that, Queen Sheba caught Dahaka in her fist and threw him right over the lake.

"It's all you now, lover boy!" Trish yelled cheerfully.

Naruto grinned widely, dismissing his sword. "Oh hell yeah!" He shouted loudly, jumping up, grabbing Dahaka's head by the horns and… RKO'ing him right into the lake.

"Take that, you motherfucker!" The demon exclaimed, emerging from under the surface… only to get blown away next second. "WOAH!" He gasped, landing on top of water. "What the hell?!"

To his complete and utter shock, Dahaka emerged from the water as well… Only he was ten times bigger.

"Holy fucking shit?!" The demon exclaimed, starting to show hints of panic once again. "Is he really invincible? Wait, what's that?"

Suddenly, some more tentacles appeared from the water. And they were in fact bigger than Dahaka's own.

"What is going o…?" Words died in Naruto's throat when he saw that other tentacles started to wrap around beast's body. "Oh no, you don't!"

Completely ignoring shouts from his sword, Naruto rushed forward and jumped several times… until he ended up right on Dahaka's shoulder.

"I didn't almost shit my pants so you could simply die like that." The blond stated, grinning from ear to ear. "Welcome in my world, bitch! **Soul Drain!**"

"**GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"**

"Uuuuugh!" Naruto grunted through gritted teeth, as his head almost blew up from Dahaka's scream. Still he couldn't disrupt the technique and only had to endure.

The process was surprisingly long and the beast just continued to scream. Naruto even had to admit that he was almost on the verge of blacking out… when Dahaka's eyes suddenly lost all their glow.

"Fuck…" Grunting from pain and headache, Naruto finally disrupted the technique… only to notice that he was waist deep in water. And Dahaka's body was almost completely gone. Not only that, but one of the tentacles was about to wrap itself around _him_.

"Oh no fucking way…" Naruto said, using his remaining strength to teleport himself to the lakeshore. "Damn, what power…" He muttered, finally falling down on his face.

"Now would you look at this, Trish?" The demon managed to hear before he had a chance to lose consciousness. "There's our hero, lying down like a piece of trash."

"Yeah." The blond demoness folded her hands and smirked. "Here we are, running non-stop to catch up, and here's our greeting."

Naruto just rolled his eyes and turned over on his back, realizing that he wouldn't be allowed any rest. "Fine, fine. Just help me up." He extended one hand for them to help him up.

And Trish did so… only to kick him in the balls next second.

"HYYYYYYYYYYYYIIII!" Naruto yelped, falling down on his knees. "What the hell was that for?!" He yelled in girlish voice.

"That was for leaving us behind!" Trish stated, picking him up again.

"And what do you suggest I do with that black motherfucker on my ass?" Naruto responded. "Besides, how do you even know each other? And why do you look like this, Hanabi?"

Said girl smirked, giving him a sexy pose. "What, you don't like it?"

Naruto grinned back. "Hell yeah, I do! But I'm still wondering…"

Hanabi shrugged. "Well, it's not like I know myself. But my guess is, our bond went way deeper than we thought."

"So you remember everything…" Naruto's eyes widened. "Then why the hell didn't you join me sooner?!"

"Duh, backlash, remember?" Hanabi mocked. "My head almost exploded with pain a moment before I lost consciousness. And when I woke up, you were already gone from the village."

"Okay, I got it." Naruto turned his head. "And you Trish? You remember as well?"

Demoness'es smirk widened. "Wasn't me kicking you in the balls proof enough?"

Naruto rolled his eyes again. "Yeah, that's definitely you… Still, you never knew each other. How did you meet?"

"Well…" Trish and Hanabi shared a quick glance.

"It was…" Trish hesitated, trying to find the right word.

"Alright…" Hanabi finished.

"Really?" Naruto asked.

"Yeah, somewhat…"

_Flashback…_

"_Bitch!" Hanabi yelled angrily, rolling on the ground along with Trish as they tried to pull each other's hair out._

"You_ bitch!" Trish retaliated. "I'm gonna fuck you up!"_

"_I'm gonna kick your ass!"_

_End flashback…_

"I see… So, who won?"

"I did!" Hanabi stated cheerfully.

"No, you didn't!" Trish stated. "It was unfair!"

"How so?" Naruto asked.

"I didn't know her hair could do all this crap! If I knew, I wouldn't have tried to pull it out."

"O-Okay…" Naruto said, still struggling to stand up.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Trish asked in confusion. "You were fine ten minutes ago, and now you're barely standing."

"It's… Cough… It's the post effect of my soul drain." The demon stated. "I added the strength, but never had the time to regain it."

Hanabi and Trish shared another glance. "What?"

Naruto sighed in irritation. "Well, imagine a full glass of water. That is my power level. Now imagine a barrel. That was that black freak's power. After using soul drain, my power has the size of barrel and glass combined together. But the only water I have right now is that I had from the glass. I didn't get weaker; I just became too strong really fast."

"So… That's why you look barely alive, Na-ru-to-kun?" Hanabi sang.

"Yeah, pretty much." He replied. "Why?"

Hanabi threw a meaningful look at Trish. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Yep, let's rape the bastard." The blond demoness exclaimed, pushing Naruto down, making him fall on his back.

"H-Hey, wait a minute now!" Naruto tried to raise his hands in defense, but…

"Know your role…" Trish began, using her bra to tie Naruto's hands behind his head.

"…And shut your mouth." Hanabi finished, literally shutting his mouth by shoving her thong in it.

"Mmmh! Mmmh!" Naruto tried to struggle, but where a village full of shinobi and one invincible beast has failed, two hot girls did the trick.

"_If you smell what Yamato's cooking! HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!" _The demon blade commented. _"I think this world will do just fine!"_

Naruto only rolled his eyes, and for the first time actually _submitted _to his fate.

**Unknown area…**

"M-My lord?" Order asked carefully.

A look of anger crossed Susannoo's handsome face for a brief moment.

"This is just the beginning." He said, slowly getting up and leaving the room. "He is still in my world."

**...**

**And that concludes the first arc! And now…**

**...**

**Omake: Naruto vs Son Goku part 2…**

**...**

Harry Potter: OH HELL YEAH!

Trish: Hah, and it only took two hours. Here, he's all yours.

Naruto (Grinning widely): Thanks, babe. So, how do you feel, buddy?

Harry Potter: IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW I FEEL!

Naruto: Whow, hold it. One step at a time, man.

Harry Potter: I can't believe life can be so… fucking good!

Naruto (Raising an eyebrow): Really?

Harry Potter: All my fucking life I've done nothing but save some ungrateful bastards, gaining NOTHING in return! And half of those bastards had red hair! I HATE red hair!

Naruto (Quickly glancing left and right): Just don't let Jean hear you. Thank god Darth took her off my back… Where the hell is he, by the way? Hey, Seph! Seen Darth?

Sephiroth: Probably in his room, writing some more crap about you.

Naruto: Oh, go fuck yourself. Hey, Darth!

BANG.

Darthemius (Kicking the door open): I GOT IT!

Wesker: Great! Can I have a taste?

Darthemius: No, you moron! I got why I was receiving so few reviews lately!

Naruto: Oh really?

Darthemius: Yes! You see, "Everyone has darkness" does not have enough fluff!

Aizen (Chocking on his tea): Did he just say... the "f" word?

Sephiroth (With wide eyes): That he did…

Naruto: What the fuck are you talking about, man?!

Darthemius: It's wrong, man! EHD is too dark, bad and evil! Poor kids won't be able to sleep after they read this!

Aizen: Well, it's rated M, so I don't think they should be reading it at all…

Darthemius: It's not just that! The main character is too bad! He doesn't have enough LOVE!

Wesker: I don't know what you've been smoking back there, but I want some too…

Naruto: Darth, you're scaring me, man…

Darthemius: It's official, I have decided! From this moment on, EHD will have more fluff, more cuddling, walking hand in hand, confessions and kisses! And Naruto will start his change by becoming HOKAGE…!

SMACK.

Naruto (Looking down at Darthemius's unconscious body): There's only so much I can take… Can someone help me get him to bed?

Sephiroth: Sure, I'll help…

Wesker: Oh, a threesome?

Naruto: Fuck you…

KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.

Naruto: Oi, Wesker! Don't be a bitch and open up.

Wesker: Che, fine… (Opening the door) Who the fuck are you? We don't serve men. Darth rules.

Goku: I… am Son Goku! And I… an a SUPER SAIYAN!

Wesker (Skeptically): Good for you. Now fuck off. (Slamming the door in Goku's face)

Goku (Blasting through the door): I'm not leaving without a fight!

Aizen: That was a handmade door by the way…

Goku: ENOUGH! I'm not leaving until I find those cowards!

Naruto: Damn, Darth scares me some times… Oh, it's you… Sudoku, right?

Goku: It's SON GO…

Naruto: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!

Harry Potter: Nice one!

Naruto: Thanks. So, what in the blue hell do you want?

Goku (Angrilly): Cowards! You ran away before I could complete my transformation. Instead I got shot down by a rocket! Of course I survived! But you were long gone by then! And I hate leaving fights unfinished! Therefore, to spare some air time, I completed my level four transformation before coming here!

Naruto (Rolling his eyes): Amen to that…

Sephiroth: Is it that bad?

Naruto: You have no idea…

Goku: So now that I'm ready… (Glancing over his shoulder) Huh? Who're you?

Naruto (Paling): Oh, hi Jean!

Jean Grey (To Goku): **Out of my way, mortal! Bow down and praise the glory of the Dark Phoenix!**

Naruto (Paling even more): Oh shiiiiiit…

Wesker (Coming closer to whisper): Jean scale?

Sephiroth: I'll say nine out of ten…

Naruto: Take ten… Where is Aizen?

Wesker: Left through Gargantha the moment he saw her. I swear the guy is terrified…

Naruto: Yeah…

Goku: I don't fight women. They are always weaker…

At the same time with wide eyes: (Naruto: Oh, man, don't!) (Sephiroth: No way!) (Wesker: Fucking shit!)

Jean: **Foolish worm! Feel the wrath of the goddess!**

FLASH.

Naruto (Looking skeptically at the pile of ashes in front of Jean): Ouch… And he didn't even know who you are.

Jean: **Do you think I care?! Now where is Darthemius?**

Naruto: Well Darth is… (Remembering that he knocked Darthemius out five minutes ago) Oh fuck me…

Jean: **So be it.**

Naruto (With wide eyes): Wait, no! I didn't mean it like that! AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

Sephiroth (Shrugging): Well, he brought it on himself…

Wesker: That's what fluff does to people…

**KO!**

**Winner: Uzumaki Naruto…**

Naruto's voice from the bedroom: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

…**Or not…**

**...**

**And that is completely it. Always keep sex in your hearts!**

**Also… FUCK LIKE HELL AND SLEEP WELL.**

**Darthemius.**


End file.
